Varieties.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 364, 30 April 1903, Page 7

Varieties.

APPEALED TO HIS PEIDE. SRT was the most obstinate mole in the olb lot, and refused to eater the car of a 2K train held up at a little wayside station ia Tennessee, eays the 'New York Tribune.' Threats, cajolery and blows were alike useless. The male refused to budge, and the slant of his ears told those of the passengers who were familiar with muleear talk that where he was he intended to stay. Then the aged African who was trying to load him ia said, in honey tones: • Whuffo' yo f behave dis way befo' all dese stranga people? Why, you fool mule, doan' yen' know dat dese people will jes' believe dat you' neber done befo' in all yo' life ?' The long ears lost their aggressive slant, and the beast went sedately up the inclined plank with the air of a man catering a drawing-room car for the first time aad determined not to betray the fact. A GENTLE HINT. They were out shopping, and after a round of about two hours' duration she had but one more call to make. ' Jack,' she said, ' I am just going to run into Lace and Matchem's for some ribbons and trifles. Will you come in with me?' 'No,' replied Jack, who distinctly remembered a two hours' wait in a similar establishment some time previous 'Why not? What will you do, then ?' inquired his better half, who for the life of her couldn't see why a man should so dislike that class of Bhop. «Will you wait for me ? I shan't be a moment.' * Well,' answered Jack, *if you are coming back at once I'll just ran home and put up that fowlhouse, whitewash the kitchen ceiling, and then call round for you; but if you are going to be long, I'll get on with the paper-hanging.' SEE IP YOU (UN. You can't stand for five minutes without moving, if you are blindfolded. You can't crush an egg when placed lengthwise between your hands; that is, if the egg is sound and has the ordinary shell of a hen'a egg You can't get out of a chair without bending your body forward, or putting your feet under it; that is, if you are sitting squarely on the chair, and not on the edge of it. THE OLDEST NEWSPAPER. In Pekin there is a newspaper entitled 'Ching-Pao' (news from the capital), which is said to have been ia existence since the year 740 before the Christian era. The matt or üblUhed in its co'amns is vastly instinctive, We h\.d horo, amon? other official announcements), tbo precise data on which the Emperor has decreed that the winter hat is to make way for the summer hat. Further on we read that six candidates for the office of teacher were above 90, and thirteen others above 80 years of age; from which we are enabled to form an idea as to the limits of age for examinations in the Celeitial Empire. The ' Chink-Pao' is especially remarkable for one thing, that not a single misprint is to be found in its pages. Headers and foremen axe vesy well paid, but the slightest error would, we are told, cost the head of the culprit -neither more nor less! Tims it comes to pass that the * Ching-Pao' is not only the oldest, but the most correct paper in world.—' Household Words.' THE FIBST OMNIBUS, There has just been suppressed in Paris a service of omnibuses running from the Hotel de Ville to the Porte Maillot. There has been much regret over this, because it has been discovered that no less a personage than Louis XIY. himself was the founder of the line. The Governor-General of the provinces of Poiton obtained the right, by Letters Patent dated January 10,1662, of setting in circulation in Paris and elsewhere carriages capable of carrying eight to ten passengers. The venture did not catch on, for few cared to travel in common with ethers. Then it was that Louis XIV., in a moment of good humour resolving to aid a deserving industry, mounted an omnibus one day along with Madame de Montespm At once, of course, the whole Court immediately imitated the example of the King, and imitated him so well that the ' bourgeois' were ousted, and the Governor-General of Poitou's carriages could not take all the travellers who wished places. DANCING STATISTICS. The distance travelled ia dances has been calculated by some statistical mind. An average waltz takes one over about three-quarters of a mile. A square dance makes you cover about half a mile, while a rapid galop obliges you to traverse just about one mile. It will thus be seen that if a girl with a v ell-filled programme dances from eighteen to twenty dances ia an evening the result is really appalling. Say there are twelve waltzes—a fair average—this alone makes nine miles. Three galops added to this makes it twelve miles, while from three to five other dances, at half a mile apiece, bring her close upon thirteen or fifteen miles. Tois is exclusive of the usual promenade and 'extras.' Water bottles and vases are sometimes clouded by the deposit from the water. To remove it dry some eggshells, break them up fine, put them ia the bottle with a little warm water and ehafco vigorously until the deposit is dislodged.