Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 358, 19 March 1903, Page 7

Humour.

Landlady : ' Do you care for a glass of milkP' Star Boarder: «No, I'll take a glass of of water; you needn't mind putting the milk in it to-day.' Fond Mother: •Willie, you should have known better than to fight with that little Smith boy.' Willie: * I know, mamma, but I thought I cud lick him.' Miss Minx: 'There are some words over which I always stumble. Now, for instance, how do you pronounce Mephietepheles P' Binks: ' I don't. I always mention his home address.' ' She's alius so 'fraid of somebody swipin' dat dog.' ' Am it wuff anyt'ing ?' ' Wal, in dis ayah neighborhood a t'ieg doan' bare to be woff nuffin' to git swiped.' Aunt Sarah (a spinster): 'Now, dear, if you would only watch me closely, you might learn bow to crocket.' Little Bessie: ' Oh! I'm going to get married when I grow up!' «Let me see some of your black kid gloves,' said a lady to a shopman. . «These are not the latest style, are they ?' she asked, when the gloves were produced. ' Yes madam,' replied the shopman. ' I didn't think they were, because the fashion paper says black kids have tan stitches and vice versa.' Gladys: 'Mamma, what is a new woman P* • ; - < Mamma: ' A now woman is one who does not believe in devoting herself to household duties.' Gladys: ' Oh, I know—all our servants have been new women, haven't they P' 'What is the difference between an up-to-date young woman on a bicycle and the dog which follows her P* 'One wears trousers, and the other pants.' Visitor: »Of course, you like it herein the country better than your old city home. I suppose you have lets of fun running around on the grass.' .-'-, Willie: 'No, that ain't so much fun because there ain't no signs up tellin' you not to.'