SHORT STORY

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 353, 12 February 1903, Page 7

SHORT STORY

GiESAiTAK probably offers greater facilities for enjoyment than any other station in the Empire. Bices and athletic sports at North Front, bullfights at La Linea and Algeciras, picsics at Bonda and the Cork Woods; but of all ef these are tame compared with the trip to Tangier. These tnpa are arranged by the local Goc<d Templars, who charter a steamer, and th*n dispose of tickets at five ahilings ahead to Templars and Tipplers alike. Now my comrades, from some inexplicable reason, regarded me as a most profound linguist, consequently when it was known that I had'purchased a ticket, a deputation, headed by 'Smutcher* Smith, held me up one day near Jumper's bastion, and demanded whether I could ' bole the Moorish bat.' On my replying, somewhat diplomatically, that it depended on circumstances, ' Smutcher' further informed me thefc if I would take in hand a dosen choice spirits—popularly known as the twelve apostles'—and act as their guide, philosopher, and friend during the trip, they would not forest me. Now it so happened that I did not know a single word of the dialect spoken in Morocco, but as my reputation as a linguist was at stake, I set myself the stupendous task of acquiring Moorish,' as Eb* ia spoken 'in Tangier. By the day of the trip I had acquired about fifty sentences on the Ollenderfian principle, aad with my stock of Arabic, considered myself fit to hold a colloquy with Sultan Muley Hassan himself. Accordingly, about six o'clock on Thursday morning some 400 Templan and tipi lera sailed from the New Mole in the Hercules, the whole contingent being under the charge of an officer who led the Irish Brigade at Colenso, and after a pleasant run of three hours, sighted the whitey-brown town of Tangier nestling in an amphitheatre of the Atlas Mountains. No sooner had we dropped anchor off the dilapidated wooden jetty than our vessel was surrounded by boats manned by swarthy cut-throat Eiffians, who for a consideration rowed us ashore.

Placing myself at the head of the twelve,' I lit a halfpenny cigar, and, clapping my helmet ratably at the back of my head. Bet off to conquer Tangier with as much confidence as did Hercules some three thousand yean before, utterly oblivious of the groups of true-believers who had assembled to cuter the redcoated infidels who had darea to invade the sanctity of the dominions of his HhftTfwflan Majesty. Passing through the Bab el Marsa, whiah is dominated by a crumbling fort mounting three smooth-bore cannon manned by seven gorgeouß' flea-bitten Biffians, we affected an entrance into the second oldest city on earth. My first impression on seeing Tangier was that it had originally been a large city, but that Hercules—who was the strong man of these parte, and used to amuse himself by tearing mountains asunder and cleaning out stables—had placed his arms around the city, and, to use a military term, ' made it take close order/ for it is simply a labyrinth of crooked alleys. Banning from the Bab el Marsa through the city to the Bab el Soke is the Sikka Wasia, or broad Street, so called because it admits of the passage of a eameL provided it is not too fat, and is as surefooted as a chamois, for Blondin left it on record in the hotel-book that lie had navigated the streets of Tangier, and had never fallen once.'

Ab we traversed the labyrinthine alleys, pierced with box-like stores, the outaidea of which were festooned with red and yellow slippers, we encountered men of every nation and creed, 'men who worshipped a hundred gads, and men who worshipped none.' Moore clad in garments, originally white, bnt age and dirt had caused them to assume a gulky-dove colour, slouched past clad just as their ancestors did a thousand ysara ago, and just as their . descendants will a thousand years hence, unless some pestilence engendered by dirt had not besomed them all out; smiling, hook-nosed Hebrews, in blue gaberdines and skull-caps, exactly as one sees them depicted on the boards of TransEntine theatres; swarthy Bedouins from r Timbuctoo stalked past, staff in hand, enveloped in bonnet and black-barred burnous; thick-lipped negroes, and chocolate-coloured young Arabs from the interior; boys, with ophthalmic-smitten eyes, festooned with flies, eternally yelling for the backsheesh which they never got and certainly never expected te get; returned missionaries— they call them Hadjis here—passed ua by with that 'l-thank-thee-that-rm-not-aa-otaar-men-air * —drawing their frowsy bean-bag garments around them for fear that oar infidel touch might breed the contagion of cleanliness, and so sweep thom off the face of the earth. All these and many more passed in kaleidoscopic review before us, but to use the words of the poet-in-ordinary to the band, | ' Oh, it was pitiful, ' In a whole cityful, •Girls there were none,' for during the whole day we never saw a female above ten years old. Somewhere about the middle of the city our attention was drawn to what is considered the finest piece of Moorish architecture in Africa, a large mosque with lofty green and white tesselated tower, beneath whoee portico we saw the faithful passing to prayer, for Tangier is blessed with three Sabbaths a week, the Mohammedan on Friday, the Jewish on Saturday, and the Christian on Sunday Now with all these Sabbaths, the reader can imagine what au unpleasant time a certain unmentiosable gentleman must have amongst these Tangya; still-for all '••'that, * whisky and morals are scarce,' as we had reason to find out After many an ankle wrench we brought up against a kennel, where a wall-eyed Moor sat—like Matthew—at the receipt of custom, before a huge tray containing a few bushels of the heavy disks which are used for coin in this district Wishing to secure a specimen or two, I planked down a penny, receiving, to my surprise, a u&uble handful, which 1 hastily stowed

GIBMLTAB.

away ia mj haversack. Observing my luck on 'change, 'Snider' Jacobs—an Anglo-Itr? elite from the purlieus of Whiteehapel—invested in a peseta's worth and after filling his haversack, tried to trade off the remainder at four a penny, J*", there wore no buyers. Concluding that this financier had broken into a bank or was about to become bankrupt, we edged. When we passed an hour later we found that this bank had stopped payment, while the banker was sleeping the sleep of the just on a dust heap, to the no small dismay of half-a-dozen scraggy fowls who intended prospecting that dust heap. Elated by such a sudden acquisition of wealth, and not belonging to the Templar cult, we begaa to hanker after strange waters, bo I was authorised to inquire the .way to the nearest wine shop. It was then that I first essayed to put ray lmguiaticaltalentb to the test. Espying a boy whose right hand had been lopped off, and who gazed on thinjrs mundane with a single eye (the latter being the usual punishment for prying into harems), I asked in correct (?) Moorish to be directed to a place where a Christian might quench his thirst. The young barbarian, after scratching his head meditatively with his stump, suddenly evolved an idea, for after winking audaciously at me 'with the other eye,' set off at a jog trot, and after various accidents we brought up against a dead wall, at the bottom of which were a row of grated windows. Peeping Tom faced the * twelve,' and waving his stump, after the manner of Ajax defying the light*ua?> gurgled out, 'Habs! Johnny; Hahs! Johnny; backsheesh give it!' which being interpreted means,

' Look here, chaps; here's the jail, now pay up quick.* After toiling through the dust with the temperature kicking the beam at 95 dejrrees, te be made fools of by this young •Peeping Tom of Coventry* was more than the twelve* could stand, and they would certainly have mopped the floor with him had I not intarposed, saying:—. 'Now. chaps, it's no use groulihg at him in English, he doesn't understand a word; leave the son of the prophet to me.' 'Hi! dekho Young Tommy Coventry, we wine shop want .it, juldee! you mallum? Mashallah! if you don't take us there toute'de suite I'll mare you, you kala soor. Now, Imshil as fast as you like.' '

'Now, while I was delivering these polyglot remarks, the face of that boy was a physiognomical study, and by the time I had finished his mouth had increased in size until it reached from ear 'to ear, culminating in the little heathen roaring out:— 'Oh, Sargy, yon say you want go Habs, him jail; you no want Habs, you want Hake, where drunk get plenty. Come on. Me no savvy when you spik Araby; me spik Ingliz plenty good.' . Alas! my reputation as a linguist was swept away at one fell swoop, for the 'twelve' fairly howled at fey discomfiture, whereupon I fell upon that Philistine and smote him hip and thigh, and, after scattering his remains to the cardinal winds of heaven, set out with chastened spirit and lime-kiln thirst for the nearest wine shop, where, after refreshing the inner man, I purchased a bottle of whisky, and thus fortified in spirit, bore down on the prison. No sooner had we arrived than a score or so of emaciated wretches thrust their arms through the gratings, at the same time yelling for backsheesh, or importuning us to buy articles made of plaited straw, very much like those which Fijian bumbeatmen offer for sale in Levuka harbour. The sight of these poor wretches and the stench they emitted was too much for us, for after buying a few articles and dispensing a handful of coins in the shape of backsheesh, we hastily departed. We next visited the Soko, or market, which is situated just outside the city walls, and covers about ten acres. This is the greatest mart in north-west Africa. It happened to be market day, and such a scene of bustle and confusion I have seldom witnessed

Scores of camels displaying their mythical patience by growling and gurgling at being relieved of. the leads they had been bearing for weeks; frisky little donkeys, scarcely bigger than mastiffs trotting around or taking a dost bath, joyful at being once more at liberty; drivers shouting frantically at their wayward beasts; the loud roar and clatter of hundreds of haggling dealers; added to all this the atmosphere was as thick with dost as a threshing floor. A squeaking as of a clarionet and the beating as of tom-toms told us plainly, that snake-charming was toward, and soon we saw an individual whose snaky elf locks and shifty eyes bore a strong resemblance to the reptiles squirming at hiß feet. But above all this din and dust, there arose the cry of the water-seller clashing his brass cups together cymbal wise, uttering in sonorous tones:—'The gift of God! the gift of God! Ob, come and buy ye thirsty ones 1' reminding one very forcibly of the Scriptural invitation, 'He ! everyone that thirsteth, come buy water,' etc. It was interesting to compare the Moors from the interior with the town-bred men, the formar being of fine stature and majeetic in bearing, men who never yet bowed the knee nor called any man master; while the latter were shorter, of inferior development and in many cases bore marks of disease engendered by vice and dirt "We threaded our way through the throng of Bedouins and Berbers with the view of impressing these savageß with our presence, but great was our chagrin to find that not one of these lordly sobs of the deseit deigned to notice our presence, although I 'Bismillahed' right and left, hoping to scatter seeds of kindness in my path. No, the Arab is as yet unborn who could be surprised at anything. I remember being present when the first balloon went up in Suakin, and although there were hundreds of Arabs present, they took no more notice than if it had been a kite or a crow, but simply gave their fuzzy locks an extra scarifying with the long ekewer which they wear thfrein, and then went on with their work. At length we arrived at a deserted part of the Soko, where, in a recess containing a large heap of refuse, we found the famous fakir, Sida Ben Meharty, squatting thereon, the sight of which carried our minds back to another Scriptural

character, noted for patience .and potssherds. So many historical scenes kept rising before my eyes that the spirit moved me as it did the mighty men of old, so turning my back to the fakir I chortled forth:— ' Gentlemen, you cannot be ignorant of the fact that the history of Tangiers dates back almost to the dawn of Creation, and I should feel I was neglecting my duty if I failed to lay before you the salient points in the history of this time-honoured city. ' The.first event of importance was when a band of Canaanitish wanderers pitched their tents upon this spot and called it 'Tanitjeh,' or the abode of Tanit, the name of a goddess whom they worshipped. Beneath yonder mounds are the foundations of the Augean stables, which Hercules cleaned out for a wager made with the Hesperidean King, who, failing to 'pay up and look pleasant,' was duly brained in default

'Those crumbling walla once formed part of a castle built by Tarik the Saracenic ccnqueror of Gibraltar, and a thousand years later rang with the merry gibes of Colonel Birke and his Lambs (now the 2nd Queen's Begiment), for Tangiers was a British garrison at that time.' Now while I was orating, it was observed that when any Moors approached, tbe fakir would spit at us like a Cheshire cat, and utter the most fearful maledictions on the red-coated infidels who had dared to invade bis sanctum sanctorum. However, just as J was winding up with a peroration consisting of garbled scraps from sacred and profane history, I was horrified to hear from behind a voice gurgle out in thick Mayo bregue, ' Sargiat! Sargint! for the love of Hivin, pass me a drap of the craytkur stikin' out of yer haversack,' On turning round, I found the fakir with finger raised, who said: ' Now hould yer whist a bit,' a3 we moved closer, 'if me howly disciples see yez spakin' to me they'll cut me wizzen.' The holy man took a good swig from the bottle, and after wiping his lips in a Christianlike manner with the back of his hand, said, ' Now keep a good look out, an' I'll tell yez as strange a Btory as ivir the Sargint can, an' more be token, thrue iviry word av it. v ' Well, mere than twinty years ago I desarted from the 31st Fat when we were quarthered in Corfu, in the lonian Islands, and afthsr thrapseing about the Mediterranean a lot, I settled in Beßgazi, in Thripoli, and bein' an accomodatin' lad I turned Mohammedan. ' Thin I tuk to camel drivin' an' spint eiveral years in the intayrior, where I succeeded in getting a-holt of all their lingoes. Now while on a journey from Oran to Khailad, our caravan was captured by tbe Sus, and I was left for dead, when a howly fski found me and tuk me to his cave, nursing me through a long illness, during which 1 learnt all the' Koran by heart, and all the blarney necessary for a prophet. ' Whin me old friend died, I acquired his stock-in-trade and intended carrying on the business, but a rival sent from the Sheikh-es-Seaouissi drew away all my disciples, so I had to pack up me duds, and afther long wandering arrived at this place, my fame as a howly man having proceeded me. ' Scarcely had I been here a month, when who shud I clap eyes upon but me owld captain, S——, whom I had last seen in Corfu, and who I hear is commannding the rigiment in Gib., an' me heart wint out like wather, and I wud have spoken to him bnt two of me disciples were waiting for me to dispense wisdom.' ' For goodness sake, old chap, chuck this horrible life,' I said, we'll get you a suit of clothes and get you across to Gib., and I'm sure good old 'Tommy' will see that you do not get punished.' ' No, I'm far happier, where everyone treats me as if I were the Howly Father himself, than if I wuz to go back to the ould rigiment, and be at the beck and call ov ivery Lance-Jack.': ■ Just then a group of Moors came in sight, so we edged, but not before the holy Sidi Ben Meharty shook his clenched fist at us and called down all manner of maledictions on the heads of the infidels. Being anxious to see the old chap again before we left, I called upon him at his dust-heap, but found him not, so our party sailed over the Straits leaving him alone in his glory. However, on visiting' Tangiers a month later I found to my intense regret that his body was found one morning in the streets of Tangiers with th 6 throat cut from ear to ear, thus closing the career of Sidi Ben Meharty of Tangiers.—C.T.O.C. ,