MISS SELFISH AT A THEATRE.

Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 2326, 11 January 1890, Page 3

MISS SELFISH AT A THEATRE.

I'd write a horrid thing, no doubt, did I compose a sonnet as to the way I dodged about one wretched maiden's bonnet* It was, if I recall aright, the climax of distortion, although its width kept to its height—a horrible proportion. I dodged about, but couldn't find an open space around it, untill I heard some one behind cry, " Keep your seat confound it t" "O, ho, ha, ha ! " the villiau cried; " Spare! Spare 1" the maiden uttered % and as invisibly she died some hasty speech I muttered. Now mimic tempests roared their rage— I heard them, that is certain; but all I saw of play or stage was the descending curtain. Low murmurs all the house oppressed at scenic shifticgs magic, and at some wild applause I guessed same climax had been tragic; I also judged from " ain't the sweet ? " and hushed attention centred, and all the " lovelies " maids repeat—the heroine had entered. " Bang-baDg J" I heard a pistol shot—a dying exclamation—so I presumed revenge had wrought its tragic consummation, I knew they entered from the wings : heard thrilling bursts of feeliug; but all I saw were birds and things frescoed upon the ceiling. So Wonder not when I indite a blue an'i bilious sonnet: I paid my dollar for a eight of selfishness and—bonnet.