AFTER MARRIAE.

Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 1853, 29 May 1888, Page 3

AFTER MARRIAE.

One mistake into wh : ch women perhaps fall more frequently than men is that of expecting to> much by way of what, for want of a bettor word, I will call love- i making. Too much lov?, truth, tenderness devotion we cannot expect. Those I qualitias are what a no'^le love nrans — its spirit and its essence ; but the continual lover-like expression of love belongs to the unrostful days of woo nof, or the half-acquaintanceahip of ear y marriage. There comes a time to men when the dearest and holiest things are rather lived th*n spoken, ar.d tbe woman nukoa a mistake who feels herself unloved because the fervours of early utterance are absent from the speeoh of her huaoaud. Men should remember thai women hunger for words, and not wait, aa Carlyle did, to breath their vain reomrae and despair beß.de a grave ; and women should understand that a man's troth is uot to be measured by his professions, and that the deepest emotion is perhaps too often silent. Tho only possible secrets between two married people phould ba those whioh are oonfided to either one of them by others. While some people, who otll themselves worldly-wise, will laugh at the Idea of snob perfeot confidence as thiß Implies, others still, especially the newly* married who have had small worldly experience, will be shocked that I a joald suggest the keeping of any kind of seoret by either wife or husband ftom the other. I am not prepared to nay that those last are not the w.ser of the two, Only, In that case, when any confidence is proffered to either husband or wife, the reoiplent of it should make his or ber position clearly understood. One frequent cause of trouble In married life is a want of openness m business matters A husband marries a pretty, careless girl, who hss been used to taking no more thought as to how she could be olothed than the lilies of the field, He begins by not liking to refuse any of her requests. He will not hint, so long as he oan help it, at oare In trifling expenses ; he does not like to associate himself m her mind with disappointments and self-denials. And she, wbo would have been willing enough, In the sweet eagerness to please of her girlish love, to give up any whimß or fancies of her own whatever, falls into habits of careless extravaganoe, and feols herself Injured when at last a remonstrance cornea. How muoh wiser wuuld have been perfeot openness ln the beginning ? ideality Is a good housemate. That love lasts longer, as well aa reaches higher, whioh Idealises its objaot; yet there is one dangerous direction whioh ideality may take. If lt deceive us Into the belief that we are wedding perfection, then the revelation of human infirmities, which is an inevitable consequence of all marriages, comes npon na with a Bhook wbioh is sometimes perilous to contentment. The best antidote for this rude ■hook would be a Uttie wholesome selfexamination. The vainest of us oan scarcely cherish a secret belief m our own perfection. We realise m ourselves, when we look witbin, tbe very faults of which we are most intolerant m others,— Louise O. Moulton. I