BOOKING AND DOOKERS

Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 1845, 19 May 1888, Page 3

BOOKING AND DOOKERS

, 9 Dae ye ever tak a dook m the eaut water, Bailie? I dinna moan In thae big washin 1 bynes they ca' " baths," whaur the folk aoom aboot like a wheen o' dyuoka m a pend that's owcr wee for them, neither dae I mean m ane o' thae establishments whaur ye get put intae a room six feet by fower, wi' an enamelled Water trough m tbe middle of the fljoer, a tooel hangln' up at the tao end an' a bootjack at the tither ; but a dook In the rale eaut water — the briny deep— the ocean ; at least the ocean aae faur as it goes, at, afty, The Lergs, It's maybe no I jißt bb braid nor as derp at the Lergs aa ' It ia svra' by the Bay o' Biscay, but It's quite bvald enenoh and dei p eneuoh for ony or'nar body tae get a dook m. The Lergs ia taored tae me by moDy hallowed memories. When I wts a laddie, an oor folk gaed doon there for a fortnioht, Kirßty, ooi servant lass, used tae tak' me doon tae the shore every moruin', wat or dry, het or'oauld, an' when she had ta'en aff my claej she wauded oot wi' me m her arms, at', then the gran 1 performance began. I've been toll't Bluoe that I used tae roar malst awfu', but a' my roarin' wia o' nae avail— three times ower the heid I maun gang, an' three times ower held I gaed, reg'lar, every mornln*. Losh, when I mln' o't It mak's me shiver yet — tae think hoo the eaut water wid be rlnnln' doon my ienooent throat, an' hoo my c'en used tae nip for oors alfter ; but Kiruty wis merclleßß. The bairns o' this generation ken naetblng o' »' this. They're allooed 'noo tae dook themael's, but it wis different then, For the following twenty-three oors an' three quarters o' the day my wea innooent hert wia m ugony, lookin' forrit tae the quarter an oor o' misery the next mornln'. Toe funny thing aboot it a' wis lhat twice wis ower little, an' fo^or times ower mush— it mua jlat bo tho nate three dips, or tbe charm wia broken, an ye mlcht jlst as weel never be doon at the eaut water at a'. For a lang wLila alfler I wia released frae th 6 charge o' the eervant, I couldna bide the thocht o' dookln 1 , but aa I grew aulder, an' it's tae be hoped mair enlich - toned, I began tao tak' a bit dook, aye takin 1 oate no tae gang intae a vera deep place, till at l&Bt I raither began tae like it. I canna sty I'm a great Boomer yet, but 1 hope that's na9 reason why I sbouldna eoj-jy a dook. Some sedate folk I ken walk deliberately intae the water an' commence tae bo )tn at onoe, an' alfter tbey are tried they come oot, without wattin' a hair o' their heida, but that's no 1 my way ; when I gang m I like tae get mysel' a' wat ower the held jlst as when I wis a laddie, only noo it's wi' my am gnid will. There's one thing that dißna bother Boomers that's very dingerona tae thorn wba, like mo, maun aye keep their feet on the grund. an' that Ib, partans. Them that a»y thoy ken alloo that parrana walk sideways. Noo, I'm no' gaoin' tae enter Intae ony argument on the Bubject, but sidewaya or no' eldewayp, they neem tae be able t&e ken what they're aimin' at, an' it's no lang till ye ken tae. My certie, when they catoh ye by tho big tae, it strikes me it maltters vera little whether they, arrlvod there Bidewayu or no, Man, Bailie, they're desperate for haadin' on when they once get a grip. I've seen me, when I wia doon the water for a day, makin' Betty an' the bairns tak' a bit walk alang the shore, while I took aff my olaeß an* put on aoe o' yon wee aprons like what ye see the black folks m the mlseionory records wi', an' then rin oot m a' my manly vigor, wi' a calm smile nn my countenance, tao enjoy my dook. In five minutes, hooever, my pleasure wid be turned intae agony when a partan got a hand o' me, Of ooorse I wid gio a roar that wid bring Betty an' the bairnß runnin' baok, thinkln' dootless a bottlenosed whale wia attacking me, an' between wavln' them taa gae awa 1 , an' tryln' to Btaun on one fit tae get the part»n aff, my position wia nae j)ke. Bit there's ayu something tae bother ua In this world. Auld Mr M'Ounn wls telling iub the ither nicht that lobsters hae mair legs than partans, an' that's the way ye ken the ane frae the ither : bat I'm thinkln' that what the partans want m logs they mak' up for In teeth, although ane o' oor balms, that had been gettln' a lesson m natural history, toll't ma they had nae teeth — it wis " plnohers," he deolared — pinchers being sac faur as I can mak' oot. a nevr-fangled name for "nippers." Booever, I tell't Betty that if the skulemaister put up the bairns tae come hame an' oontradio' their falthers, It wis time tao withdraw them a'thegither frae the qobu'e. As if a m&n that had ance encumbered a partan dldna ken maUt decidedly It had teeth, an' gey sharp anea tao. Hooever, m epite o' partana, Btftr^-fiah, whllks, an' cookleß, I aye ba'e ray dook ; an' as a' my customers '11 be awa' frae hame at the Fair, I'll maybe get a day or twa doon the water mysel'. And I really need it, for there's jlst twa trades m the vorl' that needs a dook mair than me, an' that's sweeps an 1 colliers. I've seen me, aifler a hard forenoon's wee'in' o' coals, gaein' m tao my dinner wi' my faco like a black man's, when my vera bairnB — particularly the young anea — were frlghtlt at mo. But a body must dae something for a leevin'. > I hr.po, Bailie, that a' your moeno that pang doon the water this simmer Ml tak' a dook, but m an innocent way, No jnmpin' oot o 1 boats or aft rooks iutao deep water, bat jlat waudin 1 oot till they're up aboot th.9 knees, or maybe no Bae faur, and then pftidlin' aboot, bo that if they tak' the cramp, or got sea flick, they could by hauled In easy.

A Yankee walked into a Massachusetts Court one day, and spent some time m watching the proceedings* By-and-byeaman was brought up for contempt of court and fined, whereupon the stranger rose and said " How much was the fine ? "" " Five dollars," replied the usher. " Well," said the stranger, laying down the money, "if that's all, I'd like to jine. I've had a fow hours' experience of this Court, and no one can feel a greater contempt for it than I do, and I ftm willing to pay for it,".