A SCHOOL EXAMINATION.
(Jeems Kaye In " The BaMe,") Haelng been retnrned triumphantly, Bsilie, at the held o' the pole— altho' there wis nae pole that I saw — as the working man's candidate (aye stick m wit he working man, they hae maist voteß) o' the Sohule B?od, It wlsna laDg till I Bet aboot wark. At the first meeting I wis appointed principal examiner o' the sohules, co laton'cernadcifc my business tae eeo that the echnle-maißters under ua were doing their duty. To this end I Bent a note tae the head master, Mr Broon, Baying I wld cai n an bob if I approved o' the way In which the hairns were eddioated. Oa arriving half-an-oor before the time —it's best tae t»k' them unawares — the maiater look me up tae his platform an' made me ait doon In hia cosy chair, bo that I could see the hale echule at once, bb It were. "Sit doon, yer honour," Bays the maiater, while I show you my method of moulding their tender minds Into a proper discrimination ao atj.to fit them to take their place In this busy and bustling world of ours," en' wl' that he made a bow tae me. „ " If ye wld jlst han' me up the tawa, I aayo, " I wid feel malr at hame. Taws In the hann'a of the principal examiner o the Schnle Btod 'H lie like the sceptre m the haon 1 o' the klnp, ft Bhowß biß position •n' adds dignity. Thank ye. Noo proceed," an' I pnt a peppermint drap In my mooth an' prepared tae lletsn patiently. The echuleniftißter criea oot, "Dux m number four class begin." At this ;he. laddie KQt np an*. read frae a book, " Toe traveilera m five mlnutea were plunged into grosß darkness, an' m other five minu'.es they———" "Sropl etop!" I crlea. " Guid gracious, Miater Broon, d'ye no explain as ye go alang 1 Noo, what Ib ' groaa darkneßß V " I says tae tha iaddie. •• Great darkneßß," he replied. " Weel, In a manner so it te." I Bayß, " bafc that's no a scientific answer ; that's only a kin' o' gueaa. Work It oot by the rule o' three." The iaidie ccu'dna answer, an' the maister s?eiueil domb'foundered, bo I ■aya— '•ISToo I'll let ye ceo hoo tae dae it. Listen. Darkneßß. Ye a' ken what darkness is : It's afier the tun has disappeared an" afore the lamps are lichted, an' a Is black an 1 dark. That is darkness. Weel, ye a' ken what a gross hi A gross la twelve dizz9n— a huner an' forty fower — multiply darkness by 144 an' ye have the answer — ' gross darkness.' " Here a 1 the bairnß gied a cheer, an' I aaya tae the maiater, "That's algebra for ye, Gang on wit he story." " m ither five minutes the travellers rested an' looked along the horizon——" " what'a that ?" "The horizon, air." "The horizm ! Let me see Ah, never mind thai big word, we'll mak' that a pass-over. I suppose it's the name o some French toon m the Heelan'e, an' I'm sure nane o' us il ever be there ; but lt'a your duty, Mr Broon, tae explain a' thae things tae the balms ; that's what we p»y ye for. I dcofc ye're no jUt as weel ap In your Latin derivations as ye should be. Weel, I wid like to try them wl 1 a coont or twa, an' aloo ma tae Bay, Mr Brcoo, that if they're no better up In the ooontin' than they are at the jography It 'Jl be my duty tae report ye tae the Parochial Board tae get your Government grant stopped, or at least made a hantle ama'er. it'B perfect nonsense tae keep np alch gran' Bohulcs if the weana are no kept better up tae the mark. Come 'ere you wee fellow wl 1 the red heid. Tak' yer elate an' mark this doon. If a cannon ba,' going wi 1 double Its oaual ferocity, wls fired aff at* Jamaica Brig at Beven • o'clock at nioht, In the teeth o' a strong north-west gale c' win,' when micht it he expected (weather an 1 ither circumstano»« permitting) tae arrive at Dem9rars? Noo try that." . No ane m the hale achula could work it oot, an' Mr Broon declared it wis a qaeation otly fit for Profesfors m the ColJege. So as I mindit that I had forgot the way tae work it oot royeel' I thooht it best tae Bay nae mair aboot it, an' I criep, " Weel, weel, bairnß, j'st keep mm' o't an' try't at your leieure ; and noo maybe Mr Kroon '11 gie us a recitatioD, and then I'll gie yo a' a hanf-holiday." Mr Brcoa declared he couldna recite, bnt I grippii the taws an 1 Bays— 'Mr Brcon, when I'm no here you're maister, but when hrra I'm he : d man, representing the epayers, an' if ye dinna dae a9 I tell ye— recite or sing, aye, cr dance the Heelan' fling if I order ye — I'll jist hao tae gia ye a ta' te o 1 yer am taws." * Here a' the bairos gied a chr er, an' the approbation o' thie innocent minds nerved ma tae a sense o' my duty, co I rises up and aids — •' Mr Broon, coma up at onco. I'll gie . ye five minutes lac decide on what ye'Jl recite. ' 'Ihe Ruined Cottage' or 'Young Locbinvnr,' it's a' ane tae me, an' as this is my first official vis t, on' J want it tae be a pleasant ane, I'll sing ye afterwards " • My auld mither deed m the auchty-nine, An' I've never had peace m this worl sin sjne.' " " Chorus, wenns. "•For my auld mither deed m the year anon ty- nine, An' I've never had peace m this worl' sin syne.' " The bairns c' began tae sing the chorus wi' n:e, throwing the'r bonnets at tho s:ime time, up ir.tno the air, jumping ower the for.'rp, an' hitting ano anither on the heid wi" thoir elate?, an' it pleased mo sao we-.'l tr.e pee thoir ynuDg spirits sao happy that T siys — " Man, bairns, if I wisnt eao auld an' ttoot I wid gang oot tae the play^run an' bae a geinm at tho boo!B or the rounders wi' ye m a minute. As it is, I'll let Mr Broon afF wi' his recitation for this time, and m the name o' the Queen I gie yo a' a hauf holiday — aye, an' mair than that, he/e'a tippence tae buy sweeties. It'll no be money tae each o' ye, but that'll jist mak' ye the mair carefu 1 m the dividing ; an' Mr Broon an' I'll awa' an' draw up a wheen new rulos, for I see they're needit. Before I go, hooever, I wid like tae pay a few words tae yo m the name o' the Brod whom I hne the honor tae represent Weel, bairns, pay attention tie yer lessons an, tae what Mr Broon sayß ; if he's no jist as clever as I wid like, still he does his best Without eddication, bairns, this worl wid be Uka a howling wilderness tae yo. Look at what eddication has done for me — look at the proud position I occupy — an' ye may a' o c day be raised , tae the tap o* the very pinojcle 1 noo occupy if ye're diligent an' study tho jography weel. Aye Iry tae be at the heid o' the class if possible. Still, ar it etaun's tae reason ye caona, a' be at (bo heid, I wid gae a word of consolation taa them that canca manage tae get up If ye're at tha bottom nevermind. In fac' I wis aye happier when I wis there, for if you're at the tap ye hay an uoco fecht tr)in' tae keep up, but if ye're at the bottom your mind's easy. An' no?, •bairns, we '11 sing a verse o 1 * Anld Langeyce,' an' theu ye can rin awa 1 on' play yereel's an' come back the morn, it is tae ho hoped, wiser an' better weans."
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Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 1835, 8 May 1888, Page 4
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1,361A SCHOOL EXAMINATION. Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 1835, 8 May 1888, Page 4
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