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Ashburton Guardian, Volume IV, Issue 854, 29 January 1883, Page 2

Police Court. —The Mayor (D. Williamson, Esq.,) and MrT. Bullock, J.P., presided at the Police Court to-day, when three inebriates were convicted and discharged. Charles Evans, known as Picolo Charley, and a long string of aliases, was brought up and sentenced to fourteen days for having no lawful visible means of support. New Sheep Dips. —The Saleyards Company have decided to erect sheep dips at both the Company’s yards at Ashburton and Tinwald. This will be found of very great convenience to the farmers and sheep-owners on either side of the river, as the sheep can be greatly improved with well arranged dipping places at hand. A Practical Joke. be scarcely safe to talk about venison at present to certain Nelson residents if the following yarn from the Colonist is to be accepted without reservation ; appears to be pretty generally accepted that notwithstanding it L illegal to shoot deer until the 10th of next month, when licenses will be issued for shooting stags, that venison is already to be obtained occasionally. It has even been hinted that shots have been heard in localities amongst the hills where deer have been traced, but within the last few days we have received a peculiar illustration of the fact that venison is procurable. There are certain people who are always on the look-out for a good thing, and whether it is a favorable transaction in scrip, or in illegally procured game, they are ready to come to business. Knowing this weak ness of human nature, a shrewd practical joker whispered privately that he had received a fine stag, and speedily he was deluged with commissions. One wellknown boniface having secured a choice joint, started off himself to purchase lemon-thyme and other “ fixings,” as the Yankees would say, and he made much of his anticipated feast in a confidential manner. Great was the interest taken in that haunch ; and when it appeared on the table, and was done full justice to, all present were unanimous, we understand, in expressing the enjoyment they had derived in partaking of the ‘ illicit ’ stag ; and there is little doubt that, on the principle that stolen kisses are the sweetest, everyone who obtained a portion of this partxular ‘ stag' ate of it with more gusto than any will experience who sit down with the choicest parts of the first stag shot on the 10th February before them. But, for all that—unfortunately, that word hut will crop up—when the sequel is told we fancy the taste for venison in certain quarters will be lost in favor of other game. For thirty years past a fine large goat had been the pet of a Nelson family, but the poor brute getting so old that its life seemed a burden, its kind owners requested our friend with the penchant for practical jokes to take the goat away and kill it, whereupon he did as requested, and in such a professional manner did he dress the carcase, that it not only passed for, but was eaten as veni on. It may appear unkind to dispel the illusion

which viewed old goat as primb venisdn, but those who enjoyed it have had their satis’action.” A Disgrace. —A child has died of diphtheria in the Chinese Camp at Lawrence. It was only ill for a few hours. Particular attention is drawn by the Tuapeha Times to the carelessness displayed by the residents of the Chinese Camp in mixing themselves up with the rest of the community when there is a disease of such a virulent type as diphtheria raging amongst them. Why such carelessness should be tolerated is something beyond astonishment, as it is distinctly against the spirit of the Public Health Act, and against the rules of all society. If the Celestials intend to make themselves obnoxious by being vehicles and mediums for sowing broadcast the seeds of disease, they cannot expect to be very favorably looked upon by the white race. If they continue to persevere in their present line of conduct there w 111 be no course left but to c irry out the terms of the Act and inflict penaltie'. Ip.—According to Mr Proctor, if from a single pair for 5,000 yoars such husband and wife had married at 21 yeurs of age and there had been no deaths, the population of the earth would be 2,188,915 followed by 141 cyphers. It would require to hold this population a number of worlds equal to 3,166,526 followed by 125 cyphers. A single globe sufficient to "ive standing room to this population, ten to the square yard, would have a diameter in proportion to that of the earth as seven, followed by forty three cyphers, to one. Supposing the furthest star visible in the great Roase telescope to lie some thirteen or fourteen millions of miles further from us than the nearest, which lies about 70,000 times further than Neptune, the distance from that star to travel from which light would require about 40,000,000 years, would be but the 100,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000, 000 th pact of the radius of such a globe as would be required to hold the population we are considering. A sphere having a radius equal to 100,000,000 of years of light journey would not suffice to contain so many human beings. At this rate the universe itself would begin to get crowded without even the service of a commission of immigration. Catching a Tartar.— The famous conjuror Hermann has arrived in Paris from Vienna, after a sojourn of six months in South America. During a performance at the houss of the Governor of Montevideo, Hermann determined to mystify three half-savage Patagonians who were present, and whom no one dared to approach. He stupefied the firat’by taking an orange from his nose, he astonished the second by producing a series of piastres from his hair, but the third seemed overpowered with terror as he extracted from his nose a living rat. Uttering a cry of fright, the Patagonians withdrew, and the company congratulated Hermann upon his success. While receiving their congratulations, he suddenly discovered that his watch was gone, and that his o ida was gone with it. His purse, too, has disappeared, and the thief had also appropriated his eye-glass and his pocket handkerchief. Half an hour afterwards the Chief of the Patagonians returned, bringing the missing articles. The savage from whose nose Hermann had extracted the rat had emptied the conjuror’s pockets at the moment when ho was pretending to be overcome with terror at the unexpected apparition of the rat from the tip of his nose. A New Definition. —in amusing incident (according to the Marlborough Times ) occurred within a hundred miles of Blenheim a few days ago. A wellknown flockownor having a demand made upon him for wages by a shearer in his employ, handed to him a cheque for the amount on a local bank. On presenting the cheque the shearer was surprised and disappointed at the piece of paper being returned to him by the ledger-keeper initialled with the mystic letters, “N. S F.,” the purport of which was explained to him. He at once proceeded to the man of sheep and wool, and demanded an elucidation of the matter. Said the flockowner, with well feigned indignation—- “ This comes of doing business with petty branch banks ! They get a few hundreds at a time from the chief officers, and when a client comes along with a cheque for a decent amount he skins the bank of all the hard cash, and people coming after him are blandly informed that there is not sufficient left to meet their demands. You present the cheque in about three days, when they will probably have received a remittance from the head office.” The man went away scratching his head in a thoughtful manner, but returned on the fourth day with his face wreathed in smiles. “It’s all right, sir,” he exclaimed; “It's just as you said. The bank must have sent for some more money, for they paid me yesterday without a murmur.” The flockowner’s eye twinkled and his mouth expanded like a half-opened carpet bag as he replied, “That’s all right; but it is awfully annoying that we should sometimes have to wait while these miserable little banks send away for money.”

Does The Ele trio Light Pay ? On the occasion of the illumination of the Spencer street railway station, Melbourne, by the electric light. Sir Julius Vogel, in the course of his speech, said :—“Now, as regards figures, I reply to Mr Munro’s challenge of Does it pay ? by his counter chaUdnge. lam prepared to arrange with municipal authorities or with companies to provide in any locality an agreed number of arc lights and incandescent lamps at prices that will yield to start with a good income over expenditure. Take this for an example. I supply a local government or a company with 5.000 incandescent lights. I install them with power and everything complete and ready for use. They tell me where t > put them, and obtain- the subscribers. Suppose they charge L2 per annum for each incandescent lamp, and L4O for each arc lamp, they will be charging less than the gas cost and have an income of L 20,000. I will undertake that, after deducting expenses, this will yield a splendid return on the cost of the plant and the exclusive rights which I confer. In the case of corporations the result will ha most splendid, for they can pay me in debentures, and the net incoma, after paying interest, will ha sufficient to redeem the debentures in less than ten years, and give them their plants and exclusive rights for nothin r. I can supply from one centre practically any number of arc lamps I can supply from one centre 2.000 or 5,000, or 10,000 or 20,000 incandescent lamps. I have heard the electric light business and the use of the electric light objected to here on the ground that possibly im .rovements might be devised that would be in advance of present results. If an ignoble fear of this kind were to be allowed to interfere with the pursuit of enterprise, what progress would any undertaking make 1 By a parity of reasoning we should never advance—we should never take advantage of the knowledge of the day—we should scarcely be dressed, for clothes may be improved. Depend upon it, no one ever marked out for himself a subject of greater interest than this same subjection of electricity to useful purposes. I may not have tho pleasure of meeting you ag-Jn. Will you let me indulge in a prophecy—that the use of electricity will grow upon you, that you will have it for your lighting, lor your motive power, for your rail aud tramways, for a vast variety of domestic uses. Your sons will find new fields of occupation in the study of electricity and its application to practical purposes. Years hence you may date from this evening a new era of comfort and usefulness. ”

A Miscatrxaoe op Justice. —A Wellington telegram says Some time back a young couple'-'were arrested and sentenced to a inontH’s imprisonment for indecent behaviour in the Botanicel Gardens. After serving a fortnight the girl was discharged, and the male prisoner was released pending an appeal made to a higher court. Judgment has now been given as follows by Judge Ricnmond :—“ln this case I am oi opinion that the evidence is insufficient to support the conviction, offence charged was indecent exposure of the person, but such exposure as took place seems to have been, in fact, unintentional, and ought not to be imputed to the defendant as intentional, inasmuch as it does not appear to have been an absolutely necessary consequence of the defendant’s voluntary action. The defendant’s plea of * guilty ’ creates a difficulty but upon consideration I think that as the Magistrates went into the evidence and have stated a case on apbeal setting it forth, and as upon evidence so stated it appears that the case against defendant was materially defective, it must be considered that the defendant’s confession is set aside. This decision implies no censure on the convicting Magistrates. It is plain tnat the defendant was guilty of an outrage on decency if not of an indictable misdemeanor. Whateve may be the law it is certain that civilisation itself is in danger in any community in which such conduct, is allowed to go unpunished or can find public apologists. . Conviction quashed.” Holloway’s Ointment and Pills. — Outward Infirmities.—Before the discovery of these remedies many case of sores, ulcers, &c., were pronounced to be hopelessly incurable, because the treatment pursued tended to destroy the strength it was incompetent to preserve, and to exasperate the symptoms it was inadequate to remove. Holloway’s Pills exert the most wholesome powers over the unhealthy flesh or skin, without debarring the patient from fresh air and exercise, and thus the constitutional vigor is husbanded while the most malignant ulcers, abscesses, and skin diseases are in process of cure. Both Ointment and Pills make the blood richer and pmer, instead of permitting it to fall into that poor and watery stale so fatal to many aboring under chronic ulcerations —[Advt.]