“BIRDS OF A FEATHER MET TOGETHER.”

Ashburton Guardian, Volume III, Issue 653, 3 June 1882, Page 2

“BIRDS OF A FEATHER MET TOGETHER.”

Said Joe to his friend Hippolyte, “I’ve come to seek advice From one who knows a thousand tricks, And every sharp device. “ Your talents rare I long have known,' And seen your scruples nil; But since you played that Stanmore trick, I rate you higher still.

“ I now your talents great require, To serve me in a light, In which I’m sure you’ll sympathise, And help me day or night.” Said Hippolyte to his friend Joe, “ Your hand I’ll grasp with joy; Your talents small are just the sort, It suits me to employ. “ Now tell me all about your fight, And what you want to know; No man would work with Hippolyte, Who will not work with Joe.” Said Joe —“ You know I had a fight, With Corwar’s lofty king; I called him bloated, rich, and proud, And one of Hall’s own ring.

“ No man could be a farmers’ friend Who owned that large estate; I said that land like that should pay A very heavy rate. “ I said he was a party man, “ Who’d do no good at all, Because he’d follow Atkinson, Tho’ he should rob us all.

“ I said he had no sympathy With men of small estate, But hoped to win by fancy balls. The love of rich and great. “ I said that he had nothing done Our taxes to abate, But wont to Wellington to feast With men of liks estate.

“ But now a man stands in his place Of just the other kind: A man who not one acre owns. And party will not mind; “A man who will not go to balls. Nor dinner cards respect, Who docks the very Speaker’s pay, And would the Lords elect. « The man who wrote out that report Which such a grumble sounds, Which Hall says every year will save Five hundred thousand pounds. “ Just what I said a man should do My present foe has done; He’s censured Hall and Sheehan too, And not a billet won.

“ I’m thus obliged to turn right round, And all my censures change, To say he ought to go to balls. And with some party range.” Said Hippolyte—“ I know the man, And owe him more than you; He sent report of H arry’s words, Far less polite than true. “ That burly relative of mine ■; Once said, with wicked spleen, He would not own a man like me, Though at a dog-fight seen. “ He did not mean his words to fly Beyond his little dale, But they appeared in Christchurch Timet, And Saunders told the tale. “ The Lord of Cheviot gave ten pounds To me to write him down; Says he— ‘ There’s nothing true to say, But paint him black and brown. “ ‘ Call him a gaol-bird, let them think He once a church did rob; Call him a water-drinking saint, Too moan to spend a bob. “ ‘ Call him a miller, who did make His wealth by buying wheat, And holding it from helpless babes, Who nothing had to eac. " ‘ Call him a bankrupt; say that he His seat must s wii vacate; The papers a’l will copy that, And frion Is his house forsake.

“ * ’Tis trao no man of common sense Believes one word you write, But if you paint him black enough They’ll think he can’t be white.’ ’’ Says Joe—“ I’ve all these scandals seen In Standard and the Sun, And in the Mail at Ashburton Have c >pied every one. “ George Jones has helped me all he can In Mail at Oamaru; I sent him all the ‘ facts,’ you know, And he proclaimed them true. “ He helped me call him the great rat For leaving Georgy Grey; But now that we have done the same ’Tis little we can say.

“ He left when Grey was in full power And dealing golden sweets ; We left when Grey could give no more, But sat in the back seats.

“ We tried the groans in gallery, And worked with Orombie Brown ; But Turnbull put his foot on that, And Brown’s tale won’t go down. “ The greatest man that Nelson owns I asked to butter me ; I knew he’d fought with Saunders long, And thought he’d spiteful be. “ But not a kind word would ha say That I could useful make ; But said I’d slander’d Saunders much, And made a great mistake.

“ I sent the story round again— As if it had been true— Without a word from Barnicoat, Or anyone who knew. “ Hodder and Dolomore I kept Discreetly out of sight ; But each and all their words have seen That truth would come to light.” Said Hippolyte, “I see, I see. We’ve overdone the gall, And taught his friends at Ashburton To disbelieve us all. tf Society or Liberty, The Standard or the Sun, The Mails (or females) you can guide, Have nothing left undone. 11 To further slander him in these Wou'd bo unsafe just now ; More subtle forces you must use, And I will show you how. “ The Times and Frees fly far and wide, Where Mails are never seen ; A few judicious misroporta Would set them both on him. “ Of course a little truth should mix vVith every false report. You’ve paid too little heed to this. As truth is not your forte. “ Tell Loughnan more than all he sajs Of Times and Times' affairs ; Lot Guthrie see the roughest side - Of Stevens’ fall up-staira. : •.. ,

And those who never see the Mail, Will their attacks peruse. ”, But, after all, the strongest blow Must come from men who feel What they have lost by lower pay, And bnrn that wrong to heal. ” Five hundred thousand pounds a year No longer spent in waste, Has made him many a bitter foe, Who longs revenge to taste. “ We know he struck the big bojs first. And said they all might go ; But that you need not talk about— They’ve marked him long ago, “ Our plan must be to make him out The poor man’s bitter foe ; However poor he is himself, We’re bound to call him so. ” We can’t say that he took a bribe To hunt his own class down ; In meats or drinks he won’t indulge, And hardly owns a crown.

” No one can say he sought a berth For self, or son, or friend ; Or any man or measure praised To cany out that end. ” For forty years he struggled hard To get each man a vote, And every child to educate, However plain his coat. ” But now he’s got the votes and schools We’ll turn their power on him. You trust the “ residential ” claim, And that will put you in. ” He is a Liberal, we know, In every word and deed, But ’tis not ‘ Liberals ’ we want To follow in our lead. ” For Dick and Biyce he well would do. With Fox he’s all the go ; Montgomery believes him, too; But they wont do fox Joe. ” The * Liberals ’ who woijc with us Are not such men as that— Give us John Sheehan’s scarlet face, Or Seddon’a empty hat. ” With men like that we’d Legislate To out great hearts’ content, When Saunders, Fox, and all that crowd To Coventry are sent.’’ Said Joe—“ I thankfully receive Your good advice, my friend, And every stone that I can heave At Saunders I will send. ” Pot down such men —let you and I The seats of power take, And signalise the people’s reign By laws that we will make. ” You shall the funds manipulate, - The judges I will boss ; Sheehan in customs would excel; The lands we’ll leave with Moss. ” Joyce could,the Maoris keep in place, And Whiti show about. Seddon would make the letters go With H’s or without. For * hedekashun ’ J. C. Brown Would answer very well, Our Bishop’s block vote put him in, And Tole could help him spell. ” Said Hippolyte—“ You go too fast; Postpone that joyous burst. We’ll cook our hare with talents rare— But we must catch him first.”