THE DIVERTING HISTORY OP JOE GILPIN.

Ashburton Guardian, Volume III, Issue 646, 26 May 1882, Page 2

THE DIVERTING HISTORY OP JOE GILPIN.

Joe Gilpin is a citizen Tho’ aims at great renown, By seeking every foremost place In colony or town.

i Though papers many he will start, ; In types of every size ; He murders English, verbs, and nouns, ; And talks of “ tre-a-tise.” Of Rollcston and Atkinson 1 He speaks with great disdain,And says “ they borrow all their thoughts From men who have some brain.” • The kind of brain ”he most admires Is that in Pilliet seen, And hopes to sit at his right hand When he has whitewashed been. Then members’ virtues we shall learn “ With no uncertain sound,” Though some may three-and-sixpeuce pay, And others pay a pound. Joe Gilpin’s henchmen said to him, “ Though struggling we have been These twice two tedious years, yet wo No victory have seen, “ ’Tis true that wo have each a seat In Borough Council won, But act or deed to give us fame, We never yet have done. ‘‘For debts, and loans, and overdrafts We’ve struggled as you know, And told each voting working man His wages were too low. “ You put your speeches in the Mail Before wo held debate, , And words to other members gave, That came not from their pate. “ Your worst fix was, whan they postponed That great finance debate, By which you had such laurels won, In your own ‘ fourth estate.’ “ You rose to talk against delay And lug those figures in, But Parkin said he would not stay, And Council followed him. “ You tried your printers’ words to pour In friendly chairman’s ear, You thought that he would sit it out, And perhaps would cry, ‘ Hear, hear.’ “ But Bullock said, ‘ As they are gone,, Your speech can now appear Without so cruelly boring me With what none else will hear.’ “ The town with water to supply, The Council left with you ; You talk’d so large, and look’d so wise. They thought you something knew. “ But when you brought up that report, Great miracles to do, The Council table shook with mirth, And I looked red for you. “ Artesian water, pure and bright, With twelve feet overflow, Is just what every town would like, But’twill not come for Joe. “ That grand report you had to hide Away from public view, And from the set typos of the Mail Strike cock-a-doodle-doo. “ When youthful Saunders said that we Our fires could put out, Aud noxious vapors wash away, You tried his plan to scout, “ Aud did a costly engineer’ Procure from distant town, To say if wo a ditch could dig, Or bring the water down. “ That water would inn up, you knew, With twelve feet overflow, But- that ’twould pass down sloping dyka Groat names alone could show. The youth no cosily loan proposed, No wonder brought to view; But said, what wader always did, That water boro would do. “ Roberts’ aud Parkin’s common sense No groat man did require To say that liquids ran down hill, And water would quench fire. “ They had no paper of their own la which to puff and blow, But Wilkie’s spade soon proved their words, And you were sold, my Joe. “ Our pretty lake, our water'd streets, Our low insurance, too, Are boons the town now owes to them, With little thanks to you.” “ As you could write men up or down, Or pay boys so to do, You thought, of course, the Civic chair Could fall to none but you. “ But bore again our game was lost, ’ By over zeal in you, You filled the Mail with words so coum» They said you’d never do.

| Friedlander did the utmost poind From County Council gain, And sold the pipes, too rashly bought. Our credit to sustain. And Donald now that chair can fill, With ease and honor too— Without a puif of any sort, From either Zouch or you. “ You said he was not fit to sit In judgment on your cause, But next day had to own that he Was ruled by neighbors’ laws “ And now at higher place you aim, ■ And seek our laws to make ; Or having failed in ail things small, Great deeds you’d undertake. “What Sewel and Torrens failed to do, You would at once achieve, And from those hateful lawyer’s fees This colony relieve. “ To Robinson you’d sell our hills, To Rhodes you’d sell the stones, McLean can buy the hard broom clumps, .And Grigg the boggy homes. “ But good land, we ourselves will keep, Free Britons need not pay ; We’ vo votes ! and won’t we let them know Upon the polling day ! ** Such was your talk about our lands Before you Saunders heard, But now you’ve taken up his plans, And preach them word for word. “ Now Sealy’a pamphlet lies untouched, No half-crown tax you’d take ; And that ‘ Good Roads Construction Bill,’ You’d quite begin to hate. “ You’ve all such crotchets given up, And took up Saunders’ views On every question that he spoke. Except the borrowed screws. “ A tax you now would put on land That owners leave unsown, And all such local taxes spend, Whore best our wants are known. “ Of course you don’t confess the source From which our new plans hail, j But take them like the telegrams Oft copied in the Mail. “ On education you can go The whole Hogg with him too ; I If Protestants will give you votes The Catholics must do. ** Though ‘ Godless ’ schools you would maintain. Though priests you’d drive away, I The Bible too you’d introduce, No matter what they say. “ Free Trade you say you can’t condemn, But like Protection too ; Both parties in that duel fierce Will find a friend in you. •** Like Grey with the Protection men, No votes you mean to lose, But raise the price of coats and boots, Which farmers never use. “ The ‘ Biglow Papers ’ you have read On matters of debate : You’re ‘ not a Tory or a Whig, I But just a candidate.’ “ When Grey was dealing out the ‘ sops ’ That make your papers pay, I .You said he was the best of men, Whom good men would obey. I “But when you think he can no more I Such benefits bestow, You say that such a man as that Will never do 1 for Joe.’ “ When Wason stood up for the seat You long had had in view, You said that he a coward was, Who shrunk from fight with you. “ But now ha has left the field, And you get blow for blow, You say he was ‘ a gentleman ’ , Who never served you so. if* Remember what you said of him t. On that December night, When Jameson, Cox, and all your foes, ; iWera classed with your friend Wright. * Your color then was deadly white, * Your lips were parched and dry, At friends and foes you railed alike, ; And hate flashed from your eye. “ You thought that night you’d done with us, Nor would our votes require ■To fight the battle o’er again ' With one who scorns your ire. “I’ve served you well, I’ve served you long, I’ve not been over nice ; Beyond the bounds, my conscience sat I’ve trespassed once or twice. * But I can now no further go, I give you up at last, The work you want I gladly leave To your friend Prendergast. ” Joe soon replied, “ 1 do admire Of candid friends but one, And you are he, my sainted Hill, Therefore, it shall be done.” Now let us sing, “ Long live the King,” And Gilpin long live he ; And when he hears the poll declared May I be there to sse.