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Ashburton Guardian, Volume 1, Issue 130, 24 July 1880, Page 3

The Oldest Actor.—M. Granetot, a Frenchman, now playing at Toulouse, is said to be the oldest actor on the stage. He is a hundred years old, and made his first appearance at the age of fifteen, during the Revolution. A Provision of Nature. —A bright young man on being asked by his sweetheart why the continual flow of so many rivers into the sea did not fill up the sea and make it run over, replied —“ Why, it’s the sponges my dear.” “ What have the sponges to do with it ?” she asked. To which he responded, “ Why, the sea is full cf sponges, ’way down at the bottom, and they suck up the water —don’t you see ?” She thought she did. Why People Drink Liquors.—Mr. Adrinks because his doctor has recommended him to take a little ; 8., because his doctor has ordered him not to, and he hates quackery ; C., takes a drop because he is wet ; D., because he is dry ; E., because he feels something rising ; F., because he feels a kind of sinking; G., because he’s going to see a friend off to America; H., because he’s gut a friend home from Australia ; 1.,' because he’s so hot in the evening; J., because lie’s so cold in the morning ; K., because he’s got a pain in the head ; L., because he’s got a pain in the foot; M., because he’s got a pain in his side ; N. , because lie’s got a pain his back ; 0., because he’s got a painin m his chest ; P., because he’s got a pain all over him; Q., because he feels light and happy ; R., because he feels heavy and miserable ; S., because he’s married ; T., because he’s single ; U. , because he’s engaged ; Y. , because he likes to see his friends around him ; W., because he’s got no friends, and enjoys a glass by himself ; X. , because his uncle left him a legacy ; Y. , because his aunt cut him off with a shilling ; Mr. Z. —we should be happy to inform our readers what his reasons are for drinking, but, on putting the question to him, he was unable to answer.