Extracts.

Auckland Chronicle and New Zealand Colonist, Volume 2, Issue 66, 7 November 1844, Page 4

Extracts.

Power of Habit.—A mercban t who was erdered to sign the baptismal register ( .f one his children subscribed Sherwen and Co.! He only perceived the mistake through the general laugh that it excited, l A grave physician at Bath, seeing a fine robust young lady drinking the Bath waters, approached her and said," Miss, why do you drink those craters ?" "O ! Sir," she answered, " for -mere wantonness," " Then," rejoined the physician, " I sincerely hope they will cure you." i Characteristic Threat.—The famous Mr. Amner, going through a street in Windsor, B lwo boys looked out of a one-pair of stairs window, and Cried— •< There goes Mr. Amner, that makes so many bulls." He hearing them looked up, saying, «« You rascals, I know you wellenough ; and ifl had you here I'd kick you down stairs/" A Chief Officer.—ln a quoridum corporation town in Devonshire, an outrageous assault was openly committed in the street. There were great inquiries for the Mayor, who could not easily be found, but at last he was discovered thatching a house. Upon hearing it asked who was the Mayor, he answered, " Here I be, measter, up upon tap of theas housen, thatching." - Why is a bill sticker like a gambler ? Becaues he does nothing but placards, (play cards. ) Amerigan Wit—The heat was so intense in Virgiui, in June last, that a lady was reported to have slipped through her own 'fingers, much to the asronishment and afilictionof these she left behind. " Boy, go in and ask how old Mrs, Jenkins is." " Yes, ma'am." The boy returned with the answer, " The lady says she don't know how old she is, ma'am."

Pa and Ma.—Why is the letter D like a squalling child ? Because it makes Ma mad.—Why is the.letter Y like a young spendthrift? Because it makes Pa pay, A Seasonable Hint.—A gentleman who has occasion to walk with two ladies and one umbrella should always go in the middle: it secures a dry coat to himself, and is showing no partiality to either of the ladies. Sea-Golng. He that cannot eat anything, dressed in any way, at.any tim?, out of any thing, touched by any thing—and this under the sight of any dirt, the effect of any smell, the sound of any discord, and the feeling of any motion, should not go to sea.

Nought Parnisiius.—On a day for renewing the licenses of the publicans, in a town in the West Riding of Yorkshire, one of the Magistrates said to an old woman, who kepi a iittle ale-house, th-t he trusted she did not put any pernicious ;in»redients into the liquor, to which she replied," There is nouglit par*W%i put into our barrels but the exciseman's stick !"

Akabic -uperstition.— Mahomet is said to have possessed a time pigeon, which be taught secretly to tat out of his ear, in order that his followers might believe him, through means of this bird, to receive some divine communications. Sandays observes, in his " Travels," that there are still a multitude of doves about Mecca, preserved and fed with great care and superstition, being thought to he of the breed of that dove which spake in the ear of Mahomet!

''Such is the pressure of times in our town/' said a Birmingham manufacturer lo his agent in London, •' that we have good workmen who willget up the inside'of a watch for eighteen shillings." «« Pooh ! that is nothing compared to London," replied his friend. " We have boys here who will get up the inside of a chimney for sixpence. *' Sir, do you mean to say that I lie ?'' said a person to a French gentleman. «• No, Sare, I say not that you lie; but, Sare, I say you walk round about the truth !"

Mankind might do without physicians if they would observe the laws of health; without lawyers if they would keep their tempers ; without soldiers if they would observe the laws ot Christianity.