My dearest Donald As the wind is against the 'Rose' going out I have still another opportunity of writing you a few lines. Our dear mother is I fear rather worse today. She is so weak Mrs Paul asked the Doctor this morning what he thought of her. He said that he thought she was a little better than she was some time ago but in a long illness like hers it was very difficult to regain strength. It is a little comfort my dear husband to hear that he thinks her better but still I very much fear that there is little hope of her recovery, still it may please God in his goodness to spare her yet but should he see fit to take her to himself I trust we shall all meet at last to part no more in that Heavenly Kingdom where sorrow is unknown. I felt in very low spirits this morning. The sun was shining brightly, there was not a single cloud in the sky, the people were going to church and it recalled to my remembrance many a happy Sabbath morning when poor Mama and I stood outside waiting till it would be time to go to church and when I thought that she was laying on a bed of sickness and perhaps of death I cried as if my heart would break. Christmas will soon be here but it will be a dull one to both of us for even if you are at home we cannot feel happy unless poor Mama is better. How little did I think love last Christmas when I was fretting over your long absence that when that day came round again although I was your wife I would be unhappy. I used to think dearest that when I was yours I would be happier than any woman in New Zealand. This shows us how little we can look for perfect worldly happiness but everything happens for the best. If we never had trials and sorrows we would soon forget God and forget that there is another world to prepare for. We are in prosperity to ready to forget that God who has given us so many blessings. I know dearest that I became too fond of this world when I married you and I have forgotten too often that it was God who had given me for my husband him whom I loved. I was not thankful enough for my blessings but I trust this affliction which it has pleased God to send will lead me back to Him. The Psalm you told me to read is very beautiful. I was in very low spirits a few days ago, I opened the Bible at the 91st Psalm which I read and it comforted me very much. I think the 103rd is also very beautiful. I wish love you would read it. I must now again my dearest husband bid you goodbye. I trust it will not be long till we meet again that God may bless and protect him who is my greatest comfort and blessing in this world is the prayer of your affectionate wife Susan D McLean Sunday evening [Dec 1851]