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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XV, Issue 246, 16 October 1880, Page 2

" I deal," remarks the merchant ; " I cut,'* adds the carpenter"; " I turnip spades," says the gardener ; " I pass," observes the railroad superintendent ; " I lead hearts," adds the beau ; " I follow suit," chirps the tailor with his litte bill ; "I trumpet," chimes the comet player; "You cur," shouts the butcher, as i he dog ran off with a two-pound steak. Thus do many classes seem to be made game of. A German, named Henry Sawert, who was apprehended in Melbourne, bad in his possession photographic copies of notes to the amount of £2,129 on the banks of Victoria and Australasia. He had passed several £1 and £10 notes. , A " sorrowing parent" writes to the Star : " Sir— Can you inform me if it is necessary to include freehold allotment in cemetery including tombstone, in the property assessment schedule?" A money-lender — one who serves you in the present tenße, lends in the conditional mood, keeps you in the subjunctive, and ruins you in the future. There will be no more police cases in Oatnaru proceeding from the adulteration of spirits by publicans (says the North Ottgo Timei>). A number of hotel bars are ornamented with placards bearing the words "All spirits sold here adulterated with water." Nothing could be raoro honest than this, more profitable to trie publican, and less injurious to the imbiber. We are rapidly drifting in the direction of total abstinence from everything but water. By-and-bye we may have the pleasure of seeing placards in the hotel bars bearing the legend, "All water sold here unadulterated with spirits." Our New Zealand police, now and apain, exhibit a laudable activity in suppressing gambling but in so doi* g they never take a hand ut "poker," like their Melbournecon/rerej, who j consider the end justifies the means. The Telegraph says :— -Suspicion having attached to several public houses that gambling was allowed to be extensively carried on, two j plain clothes constables visited one of the suspected houses. After indulging in one or two games of billiards, they gained admission into a room in which " poker" was being played, at which they took a hand, and thus allayed the suspicions they first aroused. After a while they proceeded, much to the astonishment of those assembled, to bar the door and handcuff the inmates, the landlord being amongst the number. I think it is monstrous (said Judge Harvey ihe other day iu dealing with un application for the discharge of a bankrupt) that a man should be allowed to take up laud on deferred j payment when he see no chanco of paying the whole of the instalments. I liars seen j instances where the amount paid en the land j to the Government by the holder, wa» sufficent to satisfy all his creditors, and I think in such cases the money should be refunded by the Crown for that purpose. A thick-headed Bquire, being worsted by Sydney Smith ia an argument, took hii revenge by exclaiming, " If I had a son who was an idiot, by Jove, I'd make him a parson." " Very probably," replied Sydney, , " but I see that your father was of a very different opinion." A brutal husband at Rochdale, after thrashing bis wife till she was unconscious and streaming with blood, " besmeared her face with soot, set her up in a chair, and called in the neighbors to look at a Zulu." Judge to prisoner : " I see the villain in your face." Pat : " Shure, that's a personal reflection." Leave of absence (says the N.Z. Timt*) to Messrs Lawson and Conyers, Railway Commiasioners for the North and South Island respectively, will commence from Monday next. The leave will be for three months, during which time these gentlemen will have time to look round for a new outlet for their well-assured experience and practical knowledge. There h now in the colony the unusual circumstance of two men lying under sentence of death at one time. They are both not only foreigners, but members of separate races, each distinct from the Caucasian, and each is the first of his race sentenced to death in New Zealand. Nothing is yet decided as to when the sentences will be executed ; the papers relating to " Joe," the Fijian, have only juat arrived in Wellington, while those concerning Ah Lee, the Chinaman are now on the way. In any event nearly a week must elapse before the cases can be brought before his Excellency the Acting- Governor and the Executive Council N. Z. Times. It has been estimated that in the Kaiapoi (Canterbury) district alone 10,000 tons of potatoes were grown last season. Intimation that the superior officers of the police force are to be relegated to lower rank, and the present subordinate officers dismissed to make room for them, has caused some consternation in the force, and a good deal of animadversion outside, the current opinion being that the efficiency of the service will be imperilled by getting rid of officers really practically acquainted with their duties to make room for certain " curled darlings," who were originally foisted on the department, and have never been much more than highly ornamental appendages. We mention this merely as a reflex of current public opinion in this city.— A'. Z. Times. The Press thinks it would be as reasonable to place the "Judges" appointed by the Agricultural and Pastoral Association at their annual shows on the bench of the District Court, as it would the " Judges "of the Native Lands Courts. On Saturday (says the Canterbury Press) a small boy picked up in Colombo- street a beautiful sealskin purse, containing a roll of notes and other thing3. A Bhort time afterwards, going into a neighboring establishment, he found bewailing the loss of it a distinguished lady, not wholly unconnected, as Mr Micawber would aay, with the lon ton of Christchurch. The purse was promptly restored to its owner, who thanked the boy with a sweet Bmile. Then, going outside, she waved her lavender kids to her coachman, and stepping into her carriage, she was driven away behind two splendid horses, leaving the finder of the purse overwhelmed , by her affability. And yet that small boy ! has ever since been going around the town, and has not said a word to anyone about the lady's liberality ! A London letter to the Melbourne Argus by the last mail news says :— The appointment of. Sir Hercules llobinson as tho successor of Sir Bartle Frereis highly approved. He is known -as a successful ruler, exceed- I ingly. popular, and withal thoroughly independent, .and not to be made, a tool of. When the recall was announced four names where mentioned, three of them being those of the antipodean Governors, tiz:— Sir Her- I cules, Sir Arthur Kennedy, Sir Arthur Gordon, and Sir Henry Bulwer. From the first it was anticipated that the one who has been appointed would be selected,

Natural Religion —Bishop (reproving delinquent Page)— "Wretched Boy! Who is it that sees and bears all we do, and before whom even 7am but as a crushed worm? Page—" The Missus, my Lord ! " There is nothing like a good character and plenty of it. A guard on the NorthWestern Eailway who has been a confidential servant of the Company for twenty years has been convicted for stealing travellers luggage throughout that period to the value of upwards of £1000. "I know I'm losing ground, sir," tearfully murmured the pale-faced freshman, " but it's not my fault, sir. If I were to study on Sunday as the others do, I could keep up with m ' class, sir— indeed I could , but I promised mother ne-ne-never to work on the Sabbath, and I can't, sir, ne-ne-never" — and as his emotions overpowered him, be pulled out bis handkerchief with such vigor that it brought out with it a pocket-flask, a black cutty, and a pack of cards ; and somehow or other the professor took no more stock of that freshman's eloquence than if he had beeu a graven imago. The Waikaia electors, sayg the Christchurch Press, returned Mr Ireland because they liked him, not because he was a Radical ; and they returned Mr Bastings because they like him, not because he is a Conservative. It is all Stufi: to talk about this, that, or the other constituency in New Zealand being " liberal" or " conservative," as the case may be. Not one in a hundred of* the electors J has any intelligent idea of what those terms j mean— and, in truth, it is precious hard to say what they do mean. The electors know whom they like and whom they don't like, though > and they are in the main good judges as to how the cat jumps with regard to local patronage and expenditure. Few constituencies are guided by any more elevated or comprehensive principles than those ; while some, we fear, take little heed of any principles at all. The Lynch Family have of late been journeying under difficulties. The West Coast Times of the 6th instant says, " Mr. Harry Lynch, manager for the Lynch Bellringers, reached town yesterday evening. Mr. Lynch had a moving tale to recount of dangers encountered on the overland journey. The company purchased a coach in Christchurch for tile West CoriSt trip, atld for use on the Coast. They left Springfield last Friday, and only arrived at the Taipo on Monday evening, the weather having been anything but agreeable. Shortly after leaving the Tiapo yesterday morning, the coach met with an accident, or rather a'series of accidents. The axle broke, the wheels got mixed up and turned inside out, two or three of the company got entangled among the horses, and a sudden and emphatic stop was put to the journey. Mr. Harry Lynch, with that wisdom which distinguishes him, separatedffrom the main body and got a lift into town in another conveyance. Meanwhile the company are undergoing repairs, and will not be able to reach Hokitika until they manage to catch one or two of the horses which took to bush exploration without permission."