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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XV, Issue 18, 21 January 1880, Page 2

■^ii- 1 -- 1 — ~ i. .i— ■, ,,■■—,, - ' -- ■ — i r-v "iVMirrai At a Presbyterian Sunday School picnic, held at Ngaruawahia, on New Year's Day, there was, among other sports and pastimes, a fat woman's race, and the reporter of the Waikato Times thus makes record:— To compete in this, three ladies merrily responded to tbe call; and to see their noble forms vibrating, and the splendid action of .their magnificent legs and kneejointe, as they came high-stepping over the tall grass and docks was a sight worth much more than the handful of lollies awarded to the winner. At the end of this race it was noticed that a ybung gentleman, who at other ladies' races was conspicuous for his promptitude in running up to the post and kissing the winner, was at this one more conspicuous by his absence. Whether it was from fear of being crushed to a mummy, or the fear of having to kiss his own mother, remains a matter of doubt. His fears, however, were groundless in either case, for all three ladies came to the post without a stumble, to the disap pointment of many, and the winner ia goodlooking enough to be kissed for many a year yet. A Christchurch paper says : — By the San Francisco mail the Acclimatisation Society received a letter from Mr Kennaway, the Acclimatisation Society's agent in London, giving the following list of birds shipped per Waimate , in charge of Mr 11. Bills: — 240 partridges, 100 thrushes, 40 yellowhammers, 40 red poles, 110 bramble finches, 40 pheasants, 20 crossbills, 180 quail, 65 siskins, 80 twits, 110 robins, 100 hedge chanters, and 10 red buntings No crabs or lobsters had been shipped, as Mr Bills felt that the care of the birds during the voyage was as much as he could undertake witb satisfaction to himself. Says the Rangitikei Advocate :— "A dolorous cry comes from Southland— a cry which Southland has never been known to utter since the island was colonised. That region of Scotch mists, heavy wets, and amphibious inhabitants actually wants rain Perhaps the afflictions which other parts of the colony have recently suffered by floods ] would have been wholly Southland's, had nature not departed from her usual course in the distribution of the rainfall. Southland will only be satisfied when it is transformed into a lake." Writing of Dr Wallis, the Timaru Herald has the following: — Perhaps we should not I be far from the mark if were to to call him a radical tempered by a keen sense of the ludicrous. He is a gentle sort of man, with a merry twinkle in his face, and a great deal of tbe comic side of human nature in his composition; and though he is by theory an advocate of extreme popular freedom — a little bit of a rebel, in fact — yet his faculty of detecting an absurdity is quick enough to prevent his committing or countenancing any practical excesses in that direction. He is a cynic, too, iv a genial fashion, and has a proper contempt for all the selfishness ' and cant which uuderlie the zeal of so many of the " friends of the people." Thus, though he was a Greyite, and was not ashamed to own it, he never was blatant, or truculent, and never cut himself off from sympathetic relations with men of sense and character on any side of the House. The worst that we know against Dr Wallis, indeed, is that he is at times, and generally most inopportune times, a bore of the first magnitude. The following paragraph appears in the Jewish Chronicle of 31sfc October : — "On the 16th Sir Julius Yogel, one of the Conservative candidates for the representation of Falmouth delivered an interesting speech. Referring to personal matters, Sir Julius said that many attacks had been made on him by his opponents, but he took the attacks as compliments, as it showed that his opponents had some fears of his being successful. One imputation was against bis religion, but he would say that not for the sake of 20 elections would he disown his religion. He was born of the Jewish persuasion, and would live and die io it." The Wanganui Herald predicts that Sir Geo. Grey will never again occupy the position of leading a great party. He may assist to pull down, but his chance for building up is gone. His Liberalism consists in gasping at every popular cry, false or true, but Greyism is not Liberalism, as -freedom aud equality are not built upon a spirit of autocracy and ajjealousy of equals. " The Whiethau Review says :— " I am told that each time that the ' Woolwich Giant ' is fired, every shot costs the English taxpayer as much money as would feed and house, clothe, and educate one or even two families of the working class for a twelvemonth." " Doctor, will you please examine my tongue and tell me what it needs ?" asked a woman of ber physicjan, '• It needs rest, madatn."

A very short- tempered old gentleman, who was going by train to Brighton, and very prudently was taking his fish with him, happened to get into a smoking carriage by mistake. The day was foggy, and he did not notice the letters on the glass, but be noticed i that a young man opposite had a cigar in his mouth, and at once began to upbraid him. " I object to' tobacco," he said, " and you shall not imoke here." Thfc young titan said nothing but smoked on. Upon this, after a few violent expressions to which he receivi d no reply, the short-tempered gentleman tcok the cigar out of the other's mouth, and thiew it out of the window. Like the cavalier in the ballad, the young.tnan scorned the idea of putting himself in a rage ; but, rising quietly in his seat, and seizing the basket his antagonist had placed in tbe cradle above him, and which contained half a salmon and a lobster, be exclaimed,'' " I object to fisb," and threw it out of the window. The guard was appealed to at the terminus, and decided, as most will think very ju4lly, that it had served the short* tempeiel gentleman right. In a recent issue (says the Waikato Timet) we published a telegram from a Tauranga. correspondent, stating tbat a good description of guano was being brought to Tauranga from White Island, and h: d been successfully used by farmers in that district. The White Island guano is found in large beds formed by the sea-birds, which have for untold time bred on the Island. Mr Wilson's workmen drive off the birds, dig the deposit vp — which in one place is thirty feet deep— bag it and ship to Tauranga. If it is as good as it is represented to us to be, it would doubtless meet with a ready sale in the Waikato district, and a portion at least of the large sums of money which annually go out of the colony for manure would be retained in it. If your wife objects to kissing you because you smoke, simply remark that you know some girl who will. That settles it.

The Vanity of Human Wishes.— Mary " /"reading) : "And thus we see that history repeats itself.' Tom (with animation) : Oh, : does it ? I wish it did, and geography and : tables and the whole lot, and save us the trouble. ' ' A man named Law, who had' worked at Big-lull, Burkendong, some twenty years ago, bns been working there again for the . last six weeks, au.i it is reported that, close '■ to a shaft on which Dr. Bohme spent £300 or £400 some six or seven years ago, he dropped upon three nuggets, weighing lllbs, 14lbs, and 301b3, with a lot of fine gold. He gave up the cjaim to an old, man named Wallace, who lives at SpriDg Creek, and cleared out with his treasure, taking it him- > self to Sydney. . Some very large finds were • found in the same locality years ago. The ■ spot is on tbe top of a high mountain, and where the big " finds " have been made is not more than 20 feet sinking.-- Sydney ; Morning Herald.