THE ETHNOLOGICAL ASPECT OF AUCKLAND.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIV, Issue 120, 21 May 1879, Page 4

THE ETHNOLOGICAL ASPECT OF AUCKLAND.

A contributor to the New Zealand Herald, signed "Asmodeus," haa struck out a new line in the shape of a series of articles under the above heading, and it is in the following style that he glances at the physical peculiaries of \ what he terms " the horny-handed country," and the characteristics of the inhabitants, summing them up alliteratnrely under the letter G, thus:— (l) Gullies; (2) Gutters ; (3) Gables • (4) Gardens ; (5) Geraniums, Gilliaowers, and Greens ; (6) Guzz'ing nnd Gorging; (7) Gallivanting; and (8) Grumbling. 1. Gullies— Gullies are the distinctive topographical feature of the horny-hand country. Tea, fearful and and marvellous are their convolutions and corrugations on the face of the land. 2. Gutters.— Dotted all over these gullies, and their watersheds, are the dwellings of the inhabitants, almost uniform in shape and size. The gullies form natural drainage for every household, and are mostly mere elongated cesspools; consequently, those in search of atmospheric whiffs, resembling those of "Araby the hlest, ' need not seek for them in this country. 3. Gables, — Another distinctive feature is the immense preponderance of unsightly gables throughout the country. They are all of one pattern — i.e., tbe barn gable pattern. 4. Gardens. — Every house has its garden, either before or behind it, and in no other district are the gardens so thoroughly an index to to the various idiosyncrasies of the inmates of the various dwellings. i 5. Geraniums, GiUiflowers, and I Greenß,— Tae contents of the gardens may be generally summed up in tbe above alliteration. Gilliflowors and geraniums largely preponderate in the ornamental departments, and greens— those eav.oury, but evil-smelling vegetables in tbe culinary portions. 6. Guzzliing and Gorging.— -Living, as they do, by the sweat of their brow, nay, by the sweat of every other portion of their bodies also, it jg ro be expected, that they Bhould be a thirsty race, to make up lor the denudation of bodily moisture. But really (making every allowance) it is wonderful to Saa hs absorptive power they posseee for any liquid bo it baer, milk, tea, or water Horny - banders also require a liberal diet to keep them in working trim, and the quantity of rt vittlea" that go to make up their meal is really appalling. They must strike a profound conviction to a dyspeptic onlooker that .if human stomachs can hold and digest such enormous.amounts, why then, his own must be a most wretched parody of the human diaphragm. Nor is that all. The horny-bander is not given to look twice at sixpence where his stomach is concerned, and all the luxuries of the season may be much more frequently found on his table than on the table of the neighboring races. 7. Gallivanting.— There ia a peculiarity among the younger portion of Che horny-hands, of doing their gallivanting in public. One would think that it would be much more satisfactory to the parties to " spoon "ad lib, at home in quiet privacy, but the hornybanders don't think so. Their gallivanting must be done in public. Hence, all level places, in the evenings, especially on moonlight nights, swarm with amatory couples, doing the billing and cooing business with gusto, or, as they call it " keeping company." Old sinners, like myself; are often much inclined to smack their lips at the marvellous amount of soul-to-soul and lip-to-lip business that meets their view in a quiet moonlight stroll in any direction. But there is another peculiarity in connection therewith, i.c , that no matter what amount of ardour the amatory couples may import into the soul-to-soul and lip-to-lip business aforesaid, at the slightest tiff with each other they separate at once, and immediately go into the business aforesaid with

equal ardour with other affinities, thereby showing a profound and thorough conviction of the indubitable fact, that " there's as good fish in the sea as ever came out of it." 8. Grumbling. — Great is the hornyhand in the grumbling line. He grumbles at the weather, at his wages, at his family, at his meals, at the country and its rulers, or at anything ; at himself, at Timbuctoo, or Borrioboolagah, if nothing else offers to grumble at. This a safety-valve provided by Nature, by which the ill-humors in the blood of the horny-hand evaporate in grumbles. While, on the other hand, it is the repression of these humors, for want of an outlet, which causes the obfuscation of the muddle-head, and the viciousness of the iconoclastic and un-mitigated-cuss races.