THE WEEK.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIV, Issue 10, 11 January 1879, Page 2

THE WEEK .

The story is told of Mr Macaudrew— and I know of uo reason for doubting its authenticity — that when he was delivering his Public Works Statenif-nt in the last session of Parliament, ho had ou the table before him a tumbler containing a certain fluid which, if analysed, would have yielded the following result: — :Vonntain Dew, -50; water, -.jO. As he expatiated upon the advantages that would accrue to New Zealand if his proposed plan of intersecting the Province of Otago with railways were carried out, he became more and mnre eloquent and in earnest, and swallowed gulp after gulp of the exhilarating beverage, at each mouthful, probably, drinking success to the new line in his own particular colony, which he had just announced his determination of constructing. These, however, were so numerous that, in a short time the glass became empty Thereupon an attentive messenger, observing the state of the tumbler, and not being aware of what it had originally contained proceeded, without being noticed by the speaker, to repieni>h it with pure water. A reference to another Otago branch line necessitated another silent toast, and thpn, to his horror, Mr Macandrew, on sipping the insipid aud unaccustomed liquid discovered the unhappy mistake that had been made. A wry face, and eloquence growing less and less burning as time passed on, were the inevitable results, and the end of the speech was observed by those who heard him to tie far tamer than the commencement. I have not now repeated thi3 little anecdote without an object, for I fancy I can extract from it an illustration which may be the means of bringing home to Mr Macandrew in an appreciable manner, the sentiments of the people of Nelson with regard to the public works policy. To them the connection of this part with the rest of the island is the spirit — the whi.-key, if I may so call it — of the scheme. Without that whiskey they can no more support any syetem of railways than Mr Macandrew could advocate it in the absence of his favorite alcohol. It is of no use to try to put them off with adulterated promises or watery evasions, in the hope that they may prove "satisfactory." The whiskey is what they want, and the whiskey they will have, if it is within the bounds of human possibility to get it, and at the election which is close at baud they will speak their wishes and intentions with no uncertain voice It is just as well that Mr Macandrew should thoroughly understand this. Let him remember his own sensations whim he found, on that memorable night when the Otago .Public Works Statement was delivered, that nothing but water was supplied to him, and he will be able to form a pretty good idea of the sentiments of the people of this town and the surrounding districts ou the question of being deprived of their whiskey. When he fully understands this, he will cease to cause such letters to be wriiten to our representative as that precious document which w;i 3 published last Tuesday ovrr the signature of "John Kuowles, Under Secretary."

I hike a delight in furnishing* those witty folks in other parts of the colony, who, whenever they have occasion to refer to Nel' son apeak of it as " Sleepy Hollow," and (hen ptide themselves upon having said a good thing, with some fresh theme upon which to indulge their humorous propensities, and on referring to the recent police records I find that I can supply them with one It is this. During the whole of the holidays which are just over but one individual was brought before the Magistrates to answer to a charge

of drunkenness. Now I feel sure tint this fact will be pounced upou hy nuny. Some will say that the people here are too impecunious to raise sufficient funds for "a spree" while others will probably allege that the Nelson folk are too wanting in t-nergv to get drunk. But notwithstanding the ri>k I run of h.iving charges such n.s these hurled at us, I rtpeat the statement that there was only one man throughout the whole of the Christmas holidays who so far forgot himself as to require the police to take charge of him. Of p.ouvse T attribute this to a different cause to that which may be alleged by others, and J am disposed to think that it argues well for the good sense of the inhabitants of this town that they can enioy themselves without going into excesses.

I don't like to laugh at a Judge, and especially perhaps ought one to be careful in this respect wheu it. is the utterances of a Chief Justice that are under consideration, but really I had some difficulty in suppressing a smile when I read the remarks recently addressed by that high functionary in Wellington to a woman brought before him charged with attempting suicide. This i.s how he argued with the prisoner :— " I say nothing about your offence so far as regards yourself, for you must be as fully cognizant as I am of its grave nature ; but I nmsi point out the great trouble and inconvenience w Inch niiiiht be caused by such an act as that of which you have been guilty. The constable— l don't know his name— who rescued you mi>,'ht have risked bis life. In this instance the water appears to have been shallow, but hedid not know it. You must be aware of the lisks, which even an expert swimmer runs, in attempting to rescue another person in the water. In attemp ing to drown yourself you risk the lives' of others, and yon should bear this in mind."' Now I should like to ask Prendergast, C J , Does he for one moment suppose that a man or woman diiven by drink or trouble to such a state of insanity as to regard the ills he or she knows of as unbearable, could or would be influenced in the slightest degree, when about to rush into eternity, by the consideration that somebody else might wet his clothes or risk his life iv the attempt to stive them? It really seems a pity that such nonsense should be talked in a Court of Justice.

Just as I had got this far I heard behind me the well known voice of a friend who without my knowledge h d entered the room in which I was seated, asking, ' What are you doing there writing away as though your life depended upon your covering so much paper in a given time?" "I am trying to get ready my ' Week,' " was my reply, " and precious hard work it is this hot weather when nobody seems inclined to iio anything for somebody else to talk about." "Is it the weather you blame?" he retorted. "Well, if that's the case just 1 and over the writing' tackle to me, and I'll give you a paragraph that will make your readers laugh, not because it is funny, but simply for the reason that people do al\va\s laugh at oth< r people's troubles." To tell the truth, I was not at all sorry to exchange the pen for the pipe, so while my friend seated himself at my writing table, I came to an anchor in an easy chair and gave myself up to the enjoyment of tobacco. In less than ten minutes L was aroused from a delightful r<v< rie into which I had fallen by the same boisterous voice exclaiming, " There, what, do you say to that; do you think it will do?'" I took the sheet of paper handed to me and read as follows: — " If there is one thing that irniutes me more than another, it is to hoar people talking in ecstatic terms of praise of the weather that is now on us. Pleasant! Why, I call it perfectly hideous in its heat, nn 1 only fit for a New Calednnim or Snid^ich Islander. Just let me recount one iluv's experience, mid when it is considered that the same thing goes on week after week, nobody will wonder at my growling I am' somewhat late in my h;thils and never po to bed until after midnight, so that about fi>e a.m. lam enjoying my best sleep. Ju>t abnut that time, say yesterday, but as I said before it is the same every day, I was in my dreams listening to that dclii ions operatic chorus " Angels that around ua liover," and so divinely was it sung that in imagination I could hear the rustling of the clesiial visitors' wings above and about my head. Just then I whs startled by a fearful sound, as of a royal salute being fired by twenty one 100 toi]guns,nllof winch went off simultaneously, the cl.nging of firebells, and the squalling- of five and twenty infants in want of their breakfast. Jumping up to see what was the matter I found that it was only a prospecting fly which had lost itself in my ear and was trying to buzz its way out. Then I awoke to the realities of the sit ation. The «lorii.u«: orb of day, which had surmouuted the etstern hills, had shed a ruddy glow on ihe distant mountains, had caused the placid waters of Blind Bay to sparkle as it lighted them up with its piercing rays, and had infused life and vigor into some twenty millions of flies, of which at least ten per cent appeared to be holding high jinks v my bedroom, and to whose hoverings I had evidently owed my dream. Sleepy as I was, I threw the sheet over my face and turned on my side, whereupon the lit tie demons held a conference within a quarter of an inch of my ear and buzzed their ferocious iutentions one to the other in such penetrating sounds that sleep was impossible. Thus did the time pass away until, thinking I might as well be up as lying there trying to puzzle out the why and the wherefore of the house fly's existence, I jumped out of bed and Into my bath, the contents of which felt as though they were just fresh from the cow instead of the water tap. Too un re freshed by my night's rest— if it might so be called - to enjoy my breakfast, I endeavored to derive satisfaction, and partially succeeded in doing so, from watching the death struggles of a whole spoonful of my black torments that were floating on the surface of my tea. Then out into the sweltering streets, blinded by the glare, and stifled by the heat; perspiration pouring from every pore; paper collar reduced to pulp. Up comes a smiling friend — I almost feel inclined to omit the «t" — holds out his hand from which you might wring the moisture, and says, • Isn't it a glorious morning?' Bah! I feel as though I hated that fellow, myself, and the whole of the human species with an undoing hatred"

My volunteer assistant had worked himself up to such a pitch of fury that from consi derations of expediency I am compelled to refrain from reproducing the remainder of his meteorological maledictions.