THE SORROWS OF A NEWSPAPER MAN.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIII, Issue 77, 30 March 1878, Page 4

THE SORROWS OF A NEWSPAPER MAN.

[Scenes not unlike tbafc related below .sometimes occur in newspaper officea outside Amerioa, where the following is reported to have taken place.] The affable advertising clerk of the bquantoivn Independent must be a lineal deecendant of Job, the most patient man, or he couldn't survive in that -situation. He reached the office bright and early one morniog, and as he got the books and sharpened his pencil, he wondered what sort of luck the day would briDg forth. The first person to arrive got off a wood rack, hitched his horses and floundered in, bearing with him a pungent odor of curry-comb and bad tobacco 'which set tbe tunfortunate newspaper man sneezing. Tbe high - flavored customer gaped all round and then planting both elbows ou the counter asked :-— "Is theed'tur in ?" Clerk ; " Sir, what is the nature of your business ? " Customer: "Wall, I'd like to see the ed'tur himself if I could. I've got a leetl'e devertisement I wanted printed in his paper." Clerk : " The editor does not receive advertisements. That is my business. Have you got it written out?'' Customer (producing a very dirty Bcrap of paper): "Yaas, I suppose ye'll print it for nothin' for an old subscriber. I'm sellin' out, yer know, aod tbera's a heap o' folks round our way takes yer paper, and they'd like to know. It'll be jest as good news as ye'll have in yer paper." Clerk : "It will coat you one dollar per insertion." Customer (explosively): "Jumpin' jewbaw ! One dollar I An' I've been takin' yer paper for years ! " Clerk : "We make nothing on your subscription. Your newspaper is much the cheapest thing that goes into your house. The advertisements are all we have to live on." Customer looked riled, and finally grabbed his scrap of paper and bounced out ; but after scratching his head, reflected a few minutes outside the door, re-entered, and persuasively asked : " Say, ye'll do it for half-price to an old subscriber, won't you ? " Clerk (decidedly): "Can't do it sir." Customers: "Waal, there's yer dollar." A clergyman entered, solemn visaged and spectacled : " I am going to hold special sevices during the week. I wish you to announce it, and please mention that a collection will be taken up at the close of each meeting." Clerk (innocently); "What space do you want this advertisement to occupy ? " Minister : " Oh, I merely wanted an editorial notice, not en advertisement." Clerk: "We can announce your meetiog only in the form of an advertisement." Minister (warmly): ''But this, sir, is a matter of public interest— of spiritual importance to your readers. You must fill your columns wilh something, and surely nothing can be of more surpassing interest thau my meeting." Clerk : "We must be permitted to edit our paper in our own way. If you take reasonable space we will be pleased to moke a short local reference to your announcement. Minister (indignantly) " How exceedingly worldly, My dear yonng friend, how do you expect to prosper in a Christian land ?" The clerk (quietly): "The best Christians I am acquainted with are tboee who pay their way and ask no favors. If there were not a few of that sort I don't know how we should meet our bills." Minister (frigidly) : "I shall consult my friends,' and stalks out, reflecting severely on tbe mercenary character of men who could not ruu a newspaper without money. But tbe doorway was presently illuminated by a vision of loveliness. A well-dressed lady, smiling in a most bewitching manner, stepped up to the counter, causing the exhausted young man suddenly to strike a new position finger his necktie convulsively, and: get off his other smile, although she 'was only a beggar like tfce rest. Lady (so sweetly) : "I want to ask you if you will be so kind as to notice our 'social,' to be held next Thursday evening, for the benefit of the Ladies' Gospel Aid Society. Tickets only twenty-five cents, and I am — (hereshe smiled a amile that agitated his yery boot heels) you will buy a couple, won't you ?" Clerk (head in a whirl) : " Well-no—-thank you (gaining courage) ; we get about a peck a month of these social tickets presented to ne. You could not get a newspaper to use ono of them— Dot for pay." "Lady : "Well, you will give us a notice, anyway ; it will be a good item of news." Clerk : " I should be most happy to write an advertisement and insert it at the usual rates." The smiles at once went out, and the lady did likewise, leaving the now nearly distracted youth to wonder if there was anything in life worth living for. He had not long to ponder, however. A gentleman with an overpowering air of biz, and an acre or two of shirt front, strode in, wbile the clerk's hopes took an upward bound at tbe prospects of now receiving a gennine order. Gent : " I represent Shakespeare Wjilliam, ..tbe great tragedian. Ten lines— four liues— how much? "

Clerk : « Two dollars." Gent : " All right, my boy. Here's your copy. ' Clerk : " Thank you." Gent : " I expect you to give us credit till we play. Here are some clippings you can use j I'll leave you a few insertions." Clerk : " Your notices are worth about four times as much as your advertisement." Gent : ''But this will be news to your readers." Clerk : *** I beg pardon. They are advertisements and nothing more. We cannot afford to give you ten doliara' worth of notices with two dollars' worth of advertisements." The showman glared, said a verylbad word, gathered up his papers furiously, and made for the door. Seeing, however, that the clerk remained unmoved, he returned, saying : " Well do tbe best you can for 1 us. We've got to advertise, anyhow." And aa he left the office a young chap came in and said, simply— -'•Conk wanted. References required ; 240, St. John-street" — quietly placed a twenty-five cent piece on the counter, aud turned away. Tbe clerk glared for a moment on that twenty-five cent piece and then at the retiriug figure, rushed aiter him and burst into tears, with the words : " Give us your hand ; you are the first man, woman, or child I have seen to day that was not a dead beat iu disguise, trying to beg publicly for their own business, under the pretence that it was news. Shake hands, I say! You are a gentleman — if you are only a twenty-five center."