UNKNOWN

Marlborough Express, Volume XLVII, Issue 34, 8 February 1913, Page 6

UNKNOWN

HAD TRIED MOTORISTS. i "I. suppose you have tried motoring, Judge?" he asked. "No, I have not," replied the judge; "but I've tried a lot of people who have." WANTED THEM AGAIN. Jack: "Now that your engagement is, broken, are you going to make Blanche send back your letters?" Harry: "You bet I am. I worked hard thinking out those letters. They're worth issuing again." - THAT FETCHED HER. He was a buyer in a large wholesale house, and he was in love. One night he snatched a kiss. "All!" he exclaimed. "I am so well pleased with this sample that I should like to negotiate- for all you have." He was accepted on the spot. . CUTTING. ! Belle: "How billy men are when they propose! "Why, my husband acted like a, perfect fool!"''' Nell: "That's what everybody thought when your engagement was announced/ ; WANTED TO BE THERE. | Son: "Say, mamma, father broke this vase before he went out." Mother: "My beautiful majolica vase! Wait till he comes hack, that's all." Son: "May I stay up till he does?" j DIDN'T WANT TO CHANGE. '; Uncle John: "Willie, if you could have your way, who would you rather be than anybody else?" Small Willie: "Just me—if I could always have my way.'' j GOOD ADVICE. J "Now. if I can get some acquaintance to endorse my note " j "Better try some stranger.'" TOO DESIRABLE. j Dobbs: "So you're living in the country, ehr What kind- of neighbors have you ? Are they desirable?" Hobbs: "Desirable! Great Scott,., we haven't a. thing they don't desire, ■especially in the way of gardening implements." HE WANTED NOTHING MORE, i A certain small boy has already learned the saving of time that may be achieved by dealing with things in the mass instead of in detail". "Well," he satid to his mother • shortly before Christmas, "I've written a letter to Santa Clans, aud I think it covers, everything I want." [ "That's good," said his mother. : "What did you ask for?" : "Two toyshops and. one sweet ' shop," said Willie. , | AN EXCEPTION. J The village wise man was holding ! forth on the subject of old sayings, pnd how often they proved true, : "An' looked 'ere," he went on decisively. "There's^ that saying. : ' United we stand, divided we fall.' Now. ain't that true? It applies to everything- equally. AYe can see just for ourselves 'ow true it is. ' Everything obeys that law,' whether hani- . mate or hinanimated." He paused for the applause which . should have followed this display of wisdom, but be-fore it had come tlierw sounded a soft voice from a dark corner: "Humph!" it said sceptically.l ''What about a palir o' steps?" A :USE|IJL INVENTION. } A Yorkshire farmer was paid by cheque for some cattle he had sold. It was the first time that it- had ever happened. j "What's-this?" he said. "Why, money for the beasts," said the cattle-dealer. The fanner stared, | and had to be assured that if he took it to the bank they would give him j gold for it. I "Well," said he, "Aw'll try; but if it's a wrong 'un thou'll hear about it." I The chequ© was cashed, of course, and the farmer went, home happj', but he.could not .sleep. He had seen a wonderful thing, and it had excited him. ■ i As soon as day broke he made for the cattle-dealer's house, and woke I the dealer. "It's me," he saSd. j ''Where's tha- thim bits of paper \ from ? Aw end d*> wi' half-a-dozen myself!" - » EXTRAVAGANCE Ikoy (to father): "Fadther. vat is extra vaga nee ? " Father (to Tkey): "Extravagance, my son, is rearing a tie yen you've got a beard." 1 A BROAD HINT. She: '.'You puckered up your lips ' so that I thought you were going to j kiss me." / ! He: "No; I got some grit in my ' mouth." j She: "Well, for goodness sake, ; swallow it-; you need some in your • system." PUT IT~NICELY. A successful competitor for the cup ' as a prize in a foot race made this graceful temperance speech in accepting lit: "Gentlemen, I have won this ' cup by the use of my legs. I trust • I may never lose the use of my legs :'by the use of this cup." t | ACCORDING TO SCRIPTURE. S The vicar reached for his diary and ' wrote: "The Scripture asserts that 'if a man take away thy coat, lot , him have thy cloak also.' To-day, ; • having caught my hostler stealing my i | potatoes, I have given him the sack." j 1 WHICH WAS WORSE? j '; "Please, mum, the new neighbors; want to know if you'll lend them the .; lawn mower to-day." < ! "What!- l^end them the lawn mower : on the Sabbath! Tell them, Jane, J I we haven't- one." • > 1 MOVING PICTURES. j \ Chortles: "Say, old boy, are you ! i fond of-moving pictures?" \ His Friend :~ "Well, I should .say ! so." ] J Chortles: "Then come round to' : our house next Tuesday and give us ; a hand. We're moving that day." . I WHERE PSYCHE MET HER j 1 FATE. j 1 • "And whom does this statue repre- ; . sent?" asked Mrs Green, who was "doing" the museum under th</ guidance of her more sophisticated ( friend. Mrs Brown. ' "That is Psyche," replied Mrs "Brown, "executed, I believe, in. ; terra-cotta. "Oh, the poor thing!" exclaimed Mrs Green. "How barbarous tlioy