POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIII, Issue 31, 6 February 1932, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Some advanced town-planner has erected in a London suburb a house without any windows. If that style becomes general, where will they gst: *&« aspidistras?

Apropos a cable note yesterday, it certainly looks as though there will be no real peace in India until more and larger gaols are provided.

FISHY.

According to a perfectly reliable Southern contemporary, one of Invercargill's Izaak "Waltons landed a "lovely eight-pounder after an interesting contest." Now, had that trout managed to get away, what ft whopper it would have been!

FISCAL CARPENTERS BUST.

President Hoover, in announcing the appointment of Mr. Andrew Mellon as ! Ambassador to Britain, referred to the critical situation in international relations, and added: "The manifold economic and other problems . . . call for experience and judgment of the highest order. 3'

And, -we suggest, tariff walls of tha highest order, too, possibly.

POOB—OE MEEBLY CHEAP?

The argument advanced against perpetuating the system of fruit barrows in the main streets was that the quality of the goods sold was poor. Judging by the steadily soaring prices' paid for these stands, there is obviously an increasing number of citizens who prefer, for one reason or another, "poor fruit '• Personally, we have yet to be able to afford No. 1 top-side prices for our early peaches, hothouse grapes, or apple mangoes. r •

SLIP OF THE PEN.

,J4^ el> • apropos Pip,: Squeak, and Wilfred. "Talking of such de-vital-ising statistics as triplets—here's what I came across in a New York weekly:

James A. Chapin is the proud father of triplets, two sons and a

daughter, born

McEay, wife of Thomas Mcßay. All are reported doing fine. Uhrichaville (O.) Evening Chronicle.

'All except, possibly, Mr. Thomas McKay. If .there wasn't a vacancy for as' Editor' on the Uhrichsville (O.) "Evening Chronicle" after that, I'll ' go he."

FUN IN THE ADS.

Mr. Plage,—Apropos the U.W.M. and this and that and one thing and another, the question is, Is the labourer worthy of his ire?

"Wanted, immediate!}', Experienced •• • • Pyjama Machinists. Apply Wakem and Son, etc."

Pyjamas by Snoozem and Napp would sound more appropriate—something quiet and retiring.

"Wanted, Price, Spouting on Verandah "

I'll take hhat on, cheap, but I must admit my experience has been con^. fined to tlio good old soap box.

dick: shunaiby. * *

SCHOOL'S IN.

That is to say, it's "in" outdoors, as usual, and for once the General Knowledge Squad do credit to the Sarge. Do you know that

(1) Story of how the mountainous G. K. Chesterton gave his seat in a bus to two women?

(2) The Farman works in France are hard at work on an aeroplane with, which the pilot Coupet will attempt to fly to the stratosphere? (3) Hard up Newfoundland is prepared to sell Labrador to Canada for * 25,000,000? Getting rid of frozen assets?

(4) The 25-year-old son of Sir Thomas Beeeham has recently finished composing the music which -will convert Shakespeare's "Love's Labour Lost" into an operaf (5) Epitaph 6n a self-assertive motorist—

Here lies the body of Andrew Jay, Who died maintaining his right of way. He was right, dead right, as he-sped along, But he's just as dead as if he'd been, ■wrong! (6) By reducing the number of Admirals of the Fleet from four to three, the British Government has economised to the extent of 10s 6d a day?----(7) Our advice to diplomatists of today is not to let ybur right hand know, who's holding your left? (8) Gem of a newspaper blunder. "The Misses Dora, Agnes, and Vivian. Smith are spending the week at their mother's home. This is the first time in years that Streatham has had the pleasure of seeing the Smith lassies in. the altogether at one time."

(9) After No. 8, we are content to let somebody else tell one? Yessirl,

BALLADE OF THE VPATBIOTIC

SPENDER.

Ah, yes; the weather's charming, whatl; I hope it will continue so. I generally prefer it hot; My blood is rather thin, you know. Business is dull? Ah, that's a blow; Too much the sorry tale one meets Of trade so long depressed, or slow . . * I'll take a pennorth of boiled sweets.

Between ourselves, I think-it rot The farmers should baldheaded go For free exchange. That little plot Is, to my mind, a gambler's throw. Still, let's refrain from preaching wo* Cassaiidra-like along the streets. My burning ■ faith in good to showI'll take a pennorth of boiled sweets^

We have to face the facts. Great Scott, If every mother's son lies low And hoards up every bean he's got, Well—all our cake will soon be dough! But if we pass it to and fro (Carefully filing our receipts), That will impart to trade a glow . . . I'll take a pennorth of boiled sweets.

Envoi. Big boy, away to Jericho With Gloom that buttons up and

bleats. I'm made of sterner stuff, I trow . . . I'll take a pennorth of boiled sweets.

BREWING TROUBLE?

Dear Percy Flage,—About that "home-brew." A fire occurred up country in a dwelling attached to a shop both occupied by a Jew storekeeper. From inquiries made it appeared that a fair amount of lv>r«brew had been consumed the night before the fire, and as to what caused the fire one insurance man said to tha other: "I'm backing that 'homsbrew.' " The other replied: "What price the 'Hebrew?' "

The same dramatis personac and a fire in a larger town. One insurance man blamed the gaslight, the other the electric light, but the Fire Brigade superintendent had a suspicion that it might be the Israelite.

EOSB NEASBI& /