POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 109, 11 May 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

HELLEBOBE. A Chicago cleric goes on record at saying that "Hell will be a bore.". After Chicago it would be. SHOOT! It wouldn't-surprise us in the least if that battle in. New York between, an army corps of police and two desperadoes 'in a flat turned out to bt merely a. inovio stunt. If it were really serious, then it is to be deplored as a. flagrant imitation, and we have in hesitation in saying so. ■'-■*.- ■ * ■ . ■ • ■ OH, MOSES! ' ' If our news columns are to be relied on, there's a lad on the West Coast who has riot heard of Moses. What ignorance! Moses was the pioneer in the now flourishing sea-grass furniture industry. And to. prove Ms volatility didn't he ■. slit, oi* .have slit,' the throats of a number of his follower* in the. wilderness when they went silly over idols or quaint things like that! * a * PUT OUT! It happened in the Hawkes Bay seis> niic contortion. . AVhcn it is realised that some of the hives wore overturned four or five times, it is not to be wondered . at that the bees were seriously disturbed. ■ - , J It would have come as no surpris* to hear that they were thoroughly upset. ' '' ■■■•;■'■■•. PUBLICITY. \ "American News" is a -trade mzgo." aine which'describes" the attractions of forthcoming books for- the informatioi of the booksellers. Here is a typical "blurb" on behalf of a novel, as published an the''News" . : ' ■"To-day's. Virtue," by Faith. Baldwin. Pamela Norris,. lovely, oarr.est, and courageous, has yielded to'■ her1, lover, a care-free young artist. Suddenly she realises tfiat her love for Anthony was a mad midsummer passion. Bullseye again for Ifaith. This bologna is manufactured to order for the rental trad*, for girls from U to 64 and older. If this is the right way to do it, ouf literary pago is miles behind; th» times. . . , ■ • ■ ' ' - * ■«■ *• SQUEEZED OUT. That heading truthfully describes our position to-day as poet laureate to Postscripts. Nevertheless, we ■'. make way; magnanimously, retiring, as it were» gracefully. The cuckoo who has entered into possession of our nest is that blithe bird, "Henii Pahgo" . . . » hear him sing!' ■;•.-•' Said Isaac to his'father "Vhat ith the'prethent tenth?'" His father said to Isaac ■-..-■ "Vy not you get thome thentM That tenth ith vhat a verb ith . . Like, 'cat vath yump the fenth' _ „ Yon I voth ycung.ath you voth... I. vothn't near thq denth.'" ■ ."'. A Mielc once bitterly complained, "Mo lungs is out of j'int; I has to take a. second breath' Eight half-way through a pint!" A grizzly bear who ate a wolf, Said: "I am now wolf-filled. The wolf who.now within me is, His destiny's'fulfilled!}'." A furrier, for his coat of-arms, Chose, gules, a rampant currant, And cat, upon a sable field ■ Argent, couchant, purrant. With this to : followIn Bussia lived a walrus, In Finland lived a Finn, The walrus he was all Bum, ■■■ The Finn entirely Finn. . The walrus, though a Btnall Boss, When one day met the Finn, The, small Buss, all Buss walrus, - The hugcish Finn took in. , '. ■> • ' • * • WOBLD'S GBEATEST VIEGIK. Well, as I was proceeding to sayj when you rang off in my. wr—* My good pal Maisie and I wer» at a swish wedding in the country. Ton! bucolic ropes of guests and rivers o^ fizz. Your Topsy was well in the boom because of her attractiveness and literary effulgences with the visa of your influential patronage. It was perfectly! shattering to see the poor old mala dears in silk toppers heirlooms and all, which were corrupted with moth- and rust. Too feudal really. Mum say* top hats should have gone oat with Dundreary whiskers' so* Dad gave, his to, an undertaker. I think that no one older than the bride should be allowed at weddings. My friend Maisie who recently Mendclssohned down the aisle, was in tears at the party because her hubby Reggie having had one over tha eight, commandeered a maid's cap and apron, rolled up his bags and cavorted round as a waitress just for fun._ To» crude and calamitous of course, in tha presence of so many antideluvians, sol* ferino about the gills, and all wanting regenerating, cure. Maisie when »ha saw him melted into a puddle of tears on my bosom until I was as soggy as a bath sponge. After a buck-up cock* tail frappe she being modornistic got' ultra matey with another boy, lathei; a tick with a marcel wave and smelts girly. Beggie who is really rather m. : dove went perfectly pagan using eradi* eating language. I calmed him with' a deliciously pulsating voice but he said if she dances again' with that tuberculous gigolo it is the nune dim' and sweeti end. It was perfectly'ghastly but I assuming a virginal look told him that; a man could if he wished call a spade a spade and double and. redouble, butt ho could not swear in a- foreign language in my presence. Undor the rose* old thing although I adore and venerate Maisio who has a heart of gold and everything, I think Beggie was right; about the tick, but Maisie cantered home to Mother and can you believe it, it is too repulsive Beggio in revonga put an advertisement in the Press "Lost wife, ash blonde, pretty, age_l9, tattooed above both knees." Now; wouldn't that make any girl wince. As I am a blonde and wash my hair in e"g yolk three times a week which, Mum says- with eggs at 3s 3d is pusillanimous, I have been going about with.' a most self conscious sensation expecting the festoons of city men who ogle amorously to ask my age. Really after such a tropical time with infernal triangles and everything I have firmly; and finally resolved . never never to marry but to be pictured in all the papers as the World's Greatest Virgin, Dad too has been really poisonous saying petrifying things such as "facili* descensus Averni" whatever it means^ and that I will "finish up by being pub in the Society column. Eeally Life iaj the World's conundrum. \ Your literary friend, TOPSY HADDOOS,