SUCCESS IN LIFE

Evening Post, Volume CIX, Issue 100, 30 April 1930, Page 4

SUCCESS IN LIFE

PARENT AND CHILD

BASIC HABITS

A EIGHT BEGINNING

(By F. E. O'Donnell.) '(Copyright.), There is no uoi'mal parent who does not long for success for his child. Xo matter how abject a failure a father has made of '< his. own life, ho clings' to the dream that his son will do better. And yet, in many eas>cs parents do not realise how far they themselves contribute to filling their children's lives.with- unhappy endings or triumphant accomplishments. Succcts and failure arc habits built up by a happy or unhappy combination, of other habits established, as a rule, in childhood. A boy learns success as truly as he learns arithmetic. ■ What are some; of the habits necessary for successful living that may be fostered iv our homes? A' basic habit that a mother or a father may encourage in his child is that of purposeful, activity. ■ Whenever he is doing something with a constructive end in view and not satisfied unless the aim is attained he is probably on the right path. ' But we should not expect him to set up apparently constructive objectives too soon. The "end", sought by many a little one may seem to be the annoyance of somebody else or the destruction of something. Frequently, however, vo misinterpret the child's original purpose. For a very small boy, or girl it is natural to want to make noise, to tear or knock tilings apart •and see how they look and feel in pieces. Only incidentally does lie learn that the noise or the destruction disturbs somebody. Two-year-old Mary may see a beautiful high tower her ■ elder brother .John has built with his blocks. She recognises the possibility of making n splendid spectacle and . noise by crashing the structure on the floor. This accomplished, there is now the unexpected pleasure of having made John cry and rage and her mother denounce her as. a bad girl who has done something very naughty. At the next opportunity, perhaps, she demolishes a sand castle just to create a delightful disturbance. How to give the little child a chance to exercise his normal impulse without developing destructiveness and desire .to tease and annoy other people is one of the great problemsl in leading him eventually to take pleasure only in constructive activity. t A PLACE TO PLAY. The dangers incident on having two children of different ages and aims play together, or of having an only Jittle child play under the feet of a mother or nurse easily annoyed by his noise and curiosity, may be avoided by giving even the toddler a spot of his very own where lie may make ;i reasonable amount of noise and do what he likes with his playthings. .Surely there is a place in any house or yard where a little tot may use his horns and drums and bang on his old pans to his heart's content without disturbing anybody. To find this place about an apartment house is, of course, difficult, but generally a search will discover some place or time where, without too much restraint a child may exercise his 'powers and explore his little world unhampered. Sometimes we make the mistake of not giving the child blocks, for instance, soon enough. Looking upon them as only for constructive play, we reserve them for thu time when lUary may be expected to build a house. But almost as soon as she can sit up she:enjoys handling big blocks. Thereby they serve a purpose. Before long she puts two or three on top of ouo another to knock them dowu and hear the noise.- Let her have her own set of blocks —big and comparative in weight. John should, have his own set, composed of greater, variety of shapes and sizes, and heavier, to use in a spot sacred to him. Mary may not crawl over' and topple over John's structure any more than he mayj grab one of her blocks for his use. - How r->on the seemingly destructive tendency turns; to constructive is one of themarvels of child development. To keep these constructive impulses growing on •and on to greater purposes and greater accomplishments is one of the parents' problems. It cannot well Ue solved unless the child i 9 given at the right moment toys and tools that encourage constructiveness, as well as a spot where he may carry out his projects unhindered. TOOLS AND IMPLEMENTS. ■• Would one expect a portrait painter to develop'by some "natural", instinct if he could never get hold of paint, brushes, paper, and canvas, or find an opportunity to use them? No more may we expect a child to develop and accomplish purposes in his play if he has nothing to work with ,or no liberty in using what he has. Sand and pans placed in a suitable location for practising the art of sand, cookery and sand building; clay, brushes, and paints, and paper, beads, crayons, scissors, and cardboard, garden tools, well-made tools for woodwork, nails, and usable wood— each given at the proper time are all helpful in 'developing a tendency to purposeful activity. Also toys' and appavatus that a child uses in imitation of adult occupations, for- dramatisation,, or later, in interests that lead him to effort, all have their place—wagons, wheelbarrows, steps to climb, dolls, doll furniture, wash tubs and boards, ironing boards .and iron, mops, brooms, bowls, spoons, typewriter, outfits to encourage collection of stamps, coins, geology and zoology study outfits, cameras, musical instruments, and so on. Uo child must have all these things; in fact, too much at once may prove distracting, but every child should' have enough apparatus to stimulate his interests at various stages of development. Closely connected with perseverance, and yet a distant habit that should be fostered in childhood, is concentration. The person whose' interest flies from one thing to another at the slightest pretext, who never learns to hold himself to any one purpose, is seldom successful in anything. There seems to be even in the same family a great difference iv -various children s ability to concentrate. The, boy or girl who is easily distracted needs greater help in the way of favourable condjtions ra which to" carry on his projects, to react or to study. A quiet room for his exclusive use may be the solution of his problem. But one caution should always be Sive children-under no circumstances should they be impressed with the notion that they must have absolute quiet m order to accomplish anything. Nobody is going out intoa little "silk-lmed world "hero conditions arc made over to suit him. To prepare him to meet the world th? worst way is to inculcate the idea .that he is different from other peoplethat he cannot play purposefully or work under ordinary conditions. RIGHTS OF OTHERS. To teach him the lesson of obedience a few ironclad rules should be followed in the home, but we should try to make them few-relating to essentials of hie. The absolute "Thou must ot respecting other people's rights cannot be heard too early Yet this does not necessitate making it difficult for a child to respect these rifhts Khe gains for himself some pleasure in following the dictate, so much the better. Definite times for meals, naps, and going to bed should be fixed, not to

bo altered ii a child is interested in building a hut in the yard, in arranging stamps or reading a book. Living according to a necessary household routine Eiay seem arbitrary and- unreasonable to a'boy or. girl, but such living will teacli a lesson essential to success. . . : . -V. A youth's judgment, is developed onlyby practice. Let him as easily as possible make choices for himself when they are not. absolutely vital to his health and welfare. Why should a little girl not ba allowed to decide whether she shall buy a new'pair of. dancing shoes—though her old ones are still usuable—-or a book to relieve the monotony of rainy days? ,AVhy should a boy not be allowed to determine sometimes whether he will spend an evening at a "talkie", or reading a book that will increase his understanding of the period his- class is studying in history? Unwise as well as wise choices teach their own valuable lessons. ' . . Practice in .making • decisions with respect to use of .money is most essential to success in living under modern conditions. No matter how high ire our ideals for our children, "wei might as.well face the fact that they will: need money to achieve much along any line. If a, boyis to become a great poet or sculptor, he will need money, to insure leisure for his art as much as if he is to go into a business otji profession more predominantly materialistic. Accumulating '■ capital for investment iv any project is generally a process that involves sacrifice of many desires. If a child through his use of a regular allowance' can learn thrift without becoming a miser, can learn to spend for worth while things and to ■ save with an end in view, he will have formed a habit necessary to success. In childhood he need nnj save money for what is too remote. *!very time a child achieves some little scicess, in his home, at school, or on the playground—by building a sturdy bookcase or making a good grade in a test or by learning" the art of producing a..purple paint by proper combination of red and ■blue, or by purchasing: a coveted toy through his own economy—his self-respect is .increased. Fostering a child's faith in his own ability to.-succeed in-anything lie attempts is parents duty. ,' ■ •■•;■ ..'