THISTLEDOWN.

Dunstan Times, Issue 1284, 8 October 1886, Page 3

THISTLEDOWN.

[By the Chiel.] No. I —MBS GKUNDY. Notwithstanding thit the world in which we live is large enough for us to wander in, and too large to to reviewed in a short aeries of press articles. Notwithstanding that, its ways are at times my-terious and nntellable, it is a fact patent to all tint everyone has more or lees at some time in his Hfe what are generally termed painful experiences, which though unpleasant 10 himself are to others a source of amusement from tho fact that many of our race are born without sympathy in their natures, charity in their souls, or common sense in their heads. These hitter experiences embrace sometimes the formation of unpleasant acquaintances with undesirable individuals, when we find, greatly to our chagrin at times, that the acquaintance thus formed is not in any way as easily severed, and the connection at once becomes repugnant. Amongst these very unsavoury occurrences one of the least desirable is an acquaintance formed wi hj the old lady who is commonly known as Mrs Grundy. Tho pessimist with his incessant growl, and the misanthrope with his consummate hatred of the human race, can bear no comparison with this piece of humanity of whom we write. Physically she is beyond description, and we cannot state with any assurance whether she is a small, hunch-backed, hard visaged old dame, or an amiable, well-constituted, high spirited buxom woman of forty summers who has recently been placed m the misfortunato condition of widowhood, and no longer has the privilege of giving “ curtain lectures” grati», and now falls back upon some other amusement; or whether she is an overgrown, slender, fiat-cheated, dyspeptic damsel who was allured into an early marriage with fickle society, and consequent on being cast aside by that ungrateful husband, has now settled down into the world prematurely aged, but still determined to live in spite of all, so that she may at least have the sweet satisfaofaction of making the lot of others as miserable as her own. She has not been injured by them, but it is no matter—they must suffer with her, poor injured thing. But though we are not in a position to describe her physical development, it is a matter of little or no consequence. The only physical organ sho requires to use is her tongue, but with long and persevering practice she has now become an expert in this particular line of busiuess. She transforms this very useful article into a machine, her. mouth into a producing shop, and sends her manufactures out in wholesale quantities at very cheap rates, guaranteeing all goods made on tho premises to be of the choicest quality, the vary best construction, and above all, warranted to bear the wear and tear of transhipment and to stretch to snit the retailer. She is very forcibly impressed with the idea that he who called tho tongue “ an unruly member ” was slightly out of it, and that this remark did not display tho possession of such wisdom as he is generally credited with ; but then what could you expect from a man? Mrs Grundy could honestly give Solomon a heavy handicap, and then beat him hands down —well, at any rats that’s her opinion on ths matter. , Some folks deem her eccentric. Well,

she acknowledges the possession of a peculiar weakness for residence in little country towns where everybody knows with perfect accuracy everyone else’s business. She has a miserably dull time of it when occasion may require her presence iu the city where individuals in general don’t even pretend to know their neighbour's business. She, however,' makes up for it when she returns to her own sweet rest and the close attention to her duties, which usually follows her being “ to town,” illustrates her attachment to her pursuits—the love she has for gossip. She is very choice in the company she keeps ; she coaid never think of mixing with everybody ; sfce looks askance at such people who have been educated ; and that part of the community who from their superior intellect have nothing in common with her and views with repugnant horror what she is pleased to respectfully dub “The Upper Crust,” and because she is herself narrow she excludes from her circle of friends all who are even suspected of being broad souled and'generous. Sha never lowers her dignity by having intercourse with persons who belong to any of the classes we have mentioned. When anything of special imoortanco transpires in the neighbourhood Mrs G. is sure to get to hear of it, and sbe makes the possession of this the keystone to the possession of more, and the occurrence the subject of consideration. In the remarks made, the comments passed, she has no bar of restraint; it is not expeote of her that any respect should he paid to any superior intellect or social position ; that the expressed opinions should at all savour of honest criticism or that the statements made concerning anyone should have any foundation in fact. Truth and right are unnecessary as far as Mrs Grundy is concerned. She deals with our local matters in a matter surprising for its logic. The parson and schoolmaster having both been subjected to a course of education superior to her own so that they may be qualified to fill their responsible positions, are shaken up together in Mrs Grundy’s best bag of mental disgust, and churned by this process into anything but what other folks suppose them to be—gentlemen. Circumstances having enabled another to acquire some valuable property, and by a turn in the wheel of fortune to present ins diealiona of affluence, Mrs G. gravely questions the honesty of the means employed to acquire such, and delights in uncovering the time when “be couldn’t hold hj a head so high,” even though everyone else is pleased to note his progress in the struggle for supremacy To faithfully describe what she can do and what she can’t do, would require more ink and paper thin an Editor would care to allow, and call for more patience than most readers possess, to say nothing of “The Chiel ” himself. She can, however, strike a blow at a man’s position and his iuflu ence for good without feeling the slightest compunction of conscience. She can tarnish a woman’s fair name and blast her valued reputation, and then smile complacently at her victim, She can skilfully undermine a person’s character, and even whilst doing her work make the loudest protestations of the interest she takes in his welfare and the sympathy she has in her heart for him. She gives her opinion whatever it may bo as that of everyone. She never fails to present the blackest and most hideous side of any occurrence to the public gaze, and is not beyoud creating a black side where such a thing may not have had a previous ex* istence. table, and never to take a lenient view of anyone’s failings nor to allow any mi igating ciieurastanoes in forming her opinion or passing judgment. It is impossible for her to contentedly mind her own business, and for this she has lost the promised reward again and again. It does seem a pity that no matter how hard she tries, her tongue will not keep still. She is uneducated, but then it doesn’t matter ; had she the capacity, she would not have the time, and even if the hadjjhe wouldn’t have the inclination ; so, as she can't afford to do her own thinking, nor get anyone else to do it for her. she frequently makes serious errors, but it makes nn difference, for on the whole sensible folk have more important and paying t'usine o s to undertake than to institute legal proceedings against Mrs Grundy for scandal, in which art she is known to excel.